Thinking only of herself, why am I less than surprised?

[OddFamily]

So grandma's declining physically and mentally, and as some of you had forecasted, I do believe the PD is running the show. Mom remarked that "she's getting more selfish by the week". Why am I less than surprised? Now she's getting so ornery and picky that it's threatening to run off caregivers. If that happens, then we have no idea what we're going to do, although I will push hard for assisted living, which she absolutely hates the idea of, but cognitively she's declining, it's only a matter of time.

I'm trying to get out of weekly dinners, and that may have gotten easier, Mom's getting fed up with her, and between my side business booming unexpectedly (a very large contract fell into my lap) and me needing PT a few times a week for several weeks, this may be my opportunity.
Thank you for letting me vent, I've needed to let this one out for awhile.

[Sneezy]

I do believe the PD is running the show.

It is so difficult to tell sometimes.  Is it the PD?  Is it dementia?  Is it the normal difficulties of dealing with old age?  I think you are correct, though.  I think the personality disorder is the base on which everything else is built.  It's that underlying personality that determines how a person handles the rest.

You don't *need* an excuse to get out of Sunday dinners.  You can just say no.  But I am totally with you on this - it just makes life smoother if you have a reason you can put forward.  I will even make up reasons if I have to.  I may tell mom I have a "meeting" when it's really a yoga class.  Or I'll say I'm really busy with work, but maybe I'm just reading a book on the porch.  I don't like having to do this, but we all have to do what we need to do to protect ourselves against the toxic people in our lives.

Good luck with your side business - sounds like things are going in the right direction!

[Iamenoughmary]

I have yet to figure my N mother out. Most times it seems she is running the show. Then there are other times, I think her mind is going. I can say that shes always been difficult.  She pits her children against the other. One of us does a good deed she runs to the other to boast about it.  Favoritism is huge in this family. Yes, do push hard for assisted living.  It makes it less stressful. My mother loves the NH. She is getting all the attention she always craved.  Best wishes to you and I hope things get better 

[Cat of the Canals]

We're starting to have these questions with my pdMIL. Can she not follow instructions and respect boundaries because she genuinely doesn't remember them because of cognitive decline? Or is it on purpose? Her behavior after the fact: no apology, no claiming to "not have remembered" makes me think it's still the PD running the show, but it's so hard to tell.