Possible Cheating Husband?

[BuzzyBee]

Idk where to start... my life literally turned upside yesterday and my heart is broken into a thousand pieces right now trying to figure out why.. Long story, but my sons baseball bag he carries stuff in to the game - he was trying to find something to practice and somehow pulled out another woman's shirt.... My husband brought this bag into our house, and some random womans shirt was inside out... it was not a new shirt, it was a worn shirt, sports team, not mine for sure, had perfume on it and her hair was in it. Not mine nor his sister moms or my family has reddish brown hair and he asked all of them... has no clue where it came from. I'm sick to my stomach it came from somewhere.... I never took him for a cheating type but you never know..... I'm just dumb founded by this. I have no other proof of anything hes always home. Am I crazy for not believing him? Am I wrong for wanting to leave over this? There is more to this with our history and some comments hes made since this...  I'm so lost. Basically this was in his car and he cleaned it out for me to ride in it to a wedding and brought this inside. I dont know anything else but this, and he swears he did nothing and doesn't know who's shirt it could be or how it got there..... I feel so foolish right now I dont know what to believe

[Starboard Song]

I have no other proof of anything hes always home. Am I crazy for not believing him? Am I wrong for wanting to leave over this?

You are not crazy: you must be kind to yourself. But I'd argue that it would be a terrible mistake to leave your spouse because a shirt was in a sports bag.

You have strong circumstantial evidence that he has been faithful: you say he is always home and so has little opportunity. And sports bags at games and practices are notoriously piled around the edge of the field and easy to confuse. I've come home with another person's water bottle tucked into my bag, and I have lost my own jacket as well.

It seems to me very plausible that someone on the sidelines absent-mindedly tucked their shirt into the wrong bag. If they had, the aftermath would play out exactly as it has in the last 48 hours. Perfume and hair and being inside out only seem salacious: they are exactly what you'd expect from any woman inadvertantly putting away a shirt. What is far less likely to me is that a mistress would be so foolish as to disrobe and put her shirt in your son's baseball bag. What did she wear home?

In a case like this, without being foolishly naive, I think it is good to remember that we chose our spouses because we loved them so much, and they so consistently helped us to thrive, that we chose to bind ourselves to them until death. An oddly misplaced t-shirt seems to me to be nowhere near enough reason to stop believing your husband or want to leave. You've already posed questions, and he's answered. It sounds like you should keep your eyes and ears open, but otherwise move forward.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Am I wrong for wanting to leave over this? There is more to this with our history and some comments hes made since this.

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time - time of doubt, hurt, anger.....
As you stated, there is probably more to your history which makes you want to leave.  I agree, leaving over a shirt is a bit dramatic, but it's not just about the shirt, right?  Right now, anything is possible.  It could have been a total mistake and someone put it in there by accident or your husband knows exactly whose shirt that is.  What does your instinct tell you?  I think it's strange that a woman's shirt was in the bag - I don't know how old your son is, but could it be someone he's interested in?

During these stressful times, it's hard to stay grounded and think about what it is we want.   

[BuzzyBee]

Yes I understand there couldve been a mix up with the bag at the game, but its an obvious 5 year olds paw patrol reusable type grocery bright blue bag, and this is an adult females shirt. There were also other things he threw in the bag (random papers from the car) that we did not bring to the game, so he was just cleaning up random things carrying them in and could've threw the shirt in by accident from the car too. I'm not sure, but I've never encountered anything like this before...

[SonofThunder]

Hello BuzzyBee,

If it were me, i would take three steps. First, i would assume innocence, for my own mental health, because the facts aren't there to support my fears otherwise. 

Second, I would take identifying photographs of the shirt, noting size, reddish brown hair color, and team name.  I would then place the shirt in a large ziplock style bag to preserve any perfume smell if possible, and then keep that shirt in a place which only im aware /have access, and then private journal the experience for my own benefit. 

Third, if this game/sport is part of a youth or adult league and is a relatively small league, i would figure out if there is a message board/social media for the league and post a lost & found about the homesick shirt. As others have already stated, random clothing gets into bags in all sorts of ways in sports team events.  I saw plenty of strange items come out of my kids sports bags.  This person may really like that shirt and not know to where it disappeared.  Other adults in the league may know to whom it may belong and assist in locating its owner. Proactiveness in trying to find the owner as an initial step is a kind thing to do. 

I would also presume your husband may become aware of your kind proactiveness in trying to get this ladies team jersey/shirt to its rightful owner, which also may provide you some extra feedback input for step 1.

Hoping you may locate its owner.

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

 

[BuzzyBee]

Thank you all for your advice it really helped me. Ironically, I was handling it ok until after talking to my therapist, who was leaning towards this meaning he was unfaithful or hiding something, just sent my anxiety over the edge. Luckily, and thank God, he found out who's shirt it was. It belongs a teacher at our daycare. She changed her clothes for picture day at the school and somehow her stuff ended up in our sons things and my husband took them into the car unknowingly. I'm so glad it's not what it seemed like and we both apologized to each other profusely. What a rough few days....

[SonofThunder]

BuzzyBee,

Glad you read you have settled the matter and found relief from your stress!  😃

SoT

[1footouttadefog]

Me keeps ng an eye on that day care worker for you. 

Glad you found the answer.