Machiavellianism

[Zia]

I'm trying to know more about Machiavellianism. Is this something that can also be diagnosed in an individual.

My uNPDF is the grandiose type. He is one of the leaders of a small catholic charismatic group. Always likes to take a role as a speaker. Likes to always be on a podium or where the microphone is. But when invited to go to mass weirdly he will decline and just say "you can say a mass for us", yet he would spend hours just for his speaking gig with his little group. I realize during mass he is not the center of attention. He's also a skillful salesman, good with flattery and cunning. I feel he's more dangerous than my uNPDM because she is between a covert to uncontrollable rage and did a lot of physical, verbal and emotional harm on me for many years even in my 30s.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Welcome, Zia!

I think you are on to something about the Machiavellian side being more dangerous that simple rage or even physical abuse. The difference is malice. Someone raging doesn’t necessarily care about hurting you, she may just be randomly exploding and whoever happens to be in the way gets hit. It’s easy enough to employ evasive maneuvers once you figure it out.

A Machiavellian person, however, has a goal and will use whatever means at their disposal to get there. If you are in the way, you will be cut down. And they will enjoy doing it.

The grandiosity is classic. I too have “Catholic Charismatic” parents. They had to be the center of attention too. Cantoring with soaring descants, lectoring with “expression”, making a show of praying with raised hands. It was all so embarrassing. They all have had their reward.

[Starboard Song]

I'm trying to know more about Machiavellianism. Is this something that can also be diagnosed in an individual.

I believe you'll find that Machiavellianism is a personality trait, not a disorder. So 'diagnosed' isn't the right word. And generally, then, this is a subjective personality trait. We all have it a little, some people have it a damn lot. Since it isn't any sort of disease or disability or condition, I'd encourage you to treat it no different than "friendly," "stingy," "empathetic," or "dishonest." These are other personality traits we all no how to recognize and describe with ease.

If he seems to be an ends-justify-the-means kind of guy, that's Machiavellian. One can be highly Machiavellian but only in certain contexts. Like, willing to do-what-it-takes to get promoted at work, even if it means denying someone else proper recognition, but would never physically hurt anyone, for instance.

I am sorry you are struggling with this.