In-Laws Only Keep Baby Photos of Husband Displayed

[goldtracedcloud]

My husband and his brother are in their 30s...yet MIL and FIL seem to only keep baby and childhood photos displayed of them in their home, and of course, no photos of me or my SIL.  It's not that they have never been sent more recent photos or photos of the both of us in the past 10 + years my husband and I have been together.  For awhile they kept a rotation of only baby/childhood photos up on their fridge.  Now they have a 1 year old baby grandson, and they keep a framed photo of him displayed next to 2 baby photos of my husband and his brother.  I'm weirded out by it, and my husband is too.  Anyone have any thoughts?

[Starboard Song]

I've seen this in non-PDs. There are some folks for whom the baby years are justy everything. A picture of a grownup on their mantle just arouses zero interest. I'm sure some PDs do this, too. But on its own I think it is merely weird.

[goldtracedcloud]

Yeah on one hand I sympathize with how much they must cherish those years and memories, on the other it feels like they live in the past.  Unfortunately, does coincide with them often treating husband and brother-in-law like they are still children.     I am reticent to say they have PDs...but will acknowledge there are some patterns and traits.  Enmeshment, projection of themselves onto us, lies, lies, lies, gaslighting, passive aggression, control.  It kind of feels like my husband's life after age 18 is non existent to them lol.  & This photo thing is just one of the things coming off a little too obsessed to me.  But it is good to know that sometimes non-PDs do this too.

[Preamble]

I'd say the message is "never grow up".  My parents (or whichever chose what to display) were like this too.

[Srcyu]

Interesting.
I grew up looking at a large baby portrait of my father on my grandmother's living room wall.
I loved it. I could see it was him even at that early age - the expression was there.
When he died prematurely, I wanted that picture. Grandmother was in an old peoples home by now and her house was to be sold to pay for it. She had a lot of valuable stuff and my older sister in particular, got to claim whatever she wanted.
I was told, 'No' about the photo. The excuse being that grandmother might want it (I would have given it back if that were the case).

I should have just taken it because the house was burgled, probably by older brother's mates. The picture was taken.........
Even now, I can still see that photo in my mind and I wish that I had it.

A lovely, extra little detail is that there are no baby pictures of me - none at all.
So in my mind, baby photos are very, very special.

[goldtracedcloud]

Preamble, thanks for sharing how you relate.  I do think it's possible my in-laws think like that.  They seem to think their memories and my husband's are one and the same too, they don't tend to hear him if he has a different recollection of a time or event.

& Windmill, thank you for sharing your perspective.  I am so sorry you had to lose such a special photo in that way and that you were also deprived of your own baby photos/memories.  I've had some really special photos stolen from me before too, and it is a loss I still grieve.  While I have baby photos, it is hard for me to gauge what kind of things are normal for parents to do or not because I did not grow up in a functional home.  So do appreciate hearing all the thoughts. 

[NotFooledAnymore]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I felt the same way with my DH's uNPDm. She only had photos from when her kids were younger....up to high school. Nothing past that. Even after we'd been married for over a decade! I always found it weird that she didn't display any photos from her kids weddings, of the grandchildren....just photos from when her kids were still living under her roof. To this day, it's still like that and we've now been married almost 20 years!

[goldtracedcloud]

NotFooledAnymore - Yes!  Not a single photo over the age of 18, most of them under age 13 or so.  I am starting to see it will likely remain this way or possibly even get worse as they age...Love your name, by the way!