Hello From Fuzzy Bunny

[FuzzyBunny]

Hello, in a relationship with a woman for the last 9 years. No children. 3 years ago we separated for a few months and came back together and married. I feel I am nothing living alone. Feels like I do not exist. Introvert. Wife is clever, teaches herself new things from youtube such as dog grooming, cooking, sewing, knitting, etc. Once she learns something she is basically at a pro level. Able to read a persons mood in a second. Able to walk into a room and in a second notice something is not there or has moved. First 6 months of the relationship I guess they call it love bombing. Intense and amazing. She likes dancing and spends more attention with other men than myself. She constantly tests to see if I will do her little tasks. She has been caught in 1 affair and immediately slumped to the floor saying "I need to be in control" over and over. No apology. She does not want to talk or discuss about problems. She has admitted to watching porn and has in the past shared thoughts about her sadistic urges. No idea if it was real and she has not talk about this in years. Often changes stories and if she is pressured to give details she walks away and refuses to talk about it. I felt okay until the last couple months when she hooked up with another couple and now she can not keep her hands off the male. I took some videos and she has some sexy looking at the male while dancing. She did a grind on him even after I told her to keep her hands off of him.I guess I torture myself over and over again watching how she looks at him like she use to look at me. She knows something is wrong with me. At this point in her life it wouldnt take much for her to dump me. Want to stay but it is so painful the idea of living alone is scary. I have no family and no friends. Just her. Thank you. I liked your 3 c's. I knew before you can only control yourself. Forgot to add, discussing anything or telling her why I hurt only makes things worse. Much worse.

[FuzzyBunny]

Thanks for replying. It is appreciated and thank you for the information on the doctor. Watched How to deal with a NPD and other vids from the DR. Ramani. There are a ton more so this will take awhile.
Understanding does help. It is not me and I knew that she will never change which is what lead me to this site. To look for additional information. I always knew the pluses and minuses of this relationship and it also made me realize there are a lot more minuses that I had not anticipated.
I am making dual plans and weighing my options. Either staying or leaving is scary.
Her first boyfriend, father of her daughter, left her. She paints the picture of him being a bad partner. I no longer believe that. She love bombed him and then changed. Most likely he saw the change and left. He found a new partner. She hovered him back (if he was so bad, she would never have wanted him back) and then delivered her revenge. He left and as far as I know as never been back.

Is there a forum that I can post on or just keep writing on the welcome mat? If so, which one? I am undecided what to do next. Thank you

Future faking and addictive cycles I am learning about and hope.

[Starboard Song]

Take a look at our Chosen Relationships board. That is probably the right place for you.

Also, if you haven't already, head over to the Toolbox, and read up. The What To Do section is very important.

I highly recommend spending some time on the 51% Rule, the 50% Rule, and the Boundaries.

This community understands. Welcome.