Dad broke his hip

[Sojourner17]

I received a message from unpdm yesterday.  My dad fell and broke his hip.  Due to bad weather/roads they were unable to transport him to a bigger centre right away but plan to transport by ambulance for surgery today.  He will be 80 in a few weeks.  My mom is in her mid 70's.
I live 9 hours away.  At this point I'm taking things day by day but have a feeling with this I have now officially transferred into the elderly care space.  Suffice to say sleep was limited last night.

[looloo]

Ugh, sending all my virtual support as you continue to get updates and figure your way through.

[NarcKiddo]

Sending you best wishes. Hope your dad's op goes smoothly and healing is quick.

[Sojourner17]

So he's in the city now. My sis and her husband are with him. Mom didn't go as she didn't sleep at all last night. 
The update is it's definitely broken on the right side and they may not be able to do surgery until tomorrow. They will know more this afternoon.  He definitely looks in pain. 

I'm thinking of calling my mom and just letting her talk but part of me doesn't want to.  The past few phone calls apart from last night have slid sideways into not so great an ending.  I should call though.  Just not sure if I can handle her emotions. As I write that I know her emotions are not my job to handle. 
Ugh!

[SunnyMeadow]

I get all the conflicting feelings of calling her vs not calling. Ugh, it's so hard.

Hugs to you as you go through this tough situation. I hope your dad heals quickly.

[Happypants]

I can relate. My parents are in a similar predicament which has led to very conflicting emotions on my part.  As the SG and living only minutes away, there are a lot of unspoken expectations.

For me, it was worth taking the time to adjust some boundaries and strengthen others, while staying very aware that whatever I was willing to offer as assistance would be expected from there on in. 

Hope all goes well with your fathers op. Stay strong x

[hhaw]

I consider the word "should" a (very) red flag when I find myself using it.

It's usually associated with angst/ suffering on my part due to some struggle I have accepting some particular thing.

Your mother isn't going to change, So.

If you hold out any hope/expectation a conversation with her will go differently/better, etc....check that "should" really hard, ime.

I hope you can remain level and in Observer mode through this.  It's good to have your emotions.....you're a good person and the normal spectrum of feelings will roll through.....like clouds across a blue sky.

You're the steady blue sky.  Not the clouds. 

[moglow]

As I write that I know her emotions are not my job to handle.

This. You know too that if you call, odds are you've disturbed her or "it's the wrong time". If you don't, what a horrible awful you are. So pick the lesser of evils - if you decide to not call [at least until you actually want and are prepared to talk/listen to her], you're doing/not on your own terms. What she does with that is not your stuff.

[Sojourner17]

I ended up not calling.  I've had a really bad cough the past few days. Can't say more than a few words without breaking out in a coughing fit. I don't want to get in a convo regarding her expectations going forward because I'm not even sure what exactly I'm willing and able to do right now.  I still have all of my responsibilities here but I know I'm going to have to adjust things a bit.  I need to talk with DH about it all. 

Dads surgery is this afternoon. My sister and brother in law are there with him. The roads are still really bad so they stayed in the city last night. That means mom is alone today.  Well, perhaps her friends will stop in. 

I just want to see him get through to the other side of surgery and then take it a day at a time.