Compulsive complaining

[11JB68]

It's almost not worth making plans with updh. He often finds things to complain about.  Usually on the ride home (no escape,  I'm a captive audience)
He complained all the way home last night,  then picked up again when we got in the car to go visit FIL today.
Exhausting.
A few weeks ago he was judgy about how our friends spend their money,  and complained about me drinking.
(Yet several weeks prior he had fun out at a costly event with same friends,  and thought I was amusing after a few drinks.. so like everything else it's all arbitrary)
Last night he was annoyed with a friend of mine.  She can be a bit much,  and honestly is very similar to updh in some ways (aggressive,  assertive,  bossy)... which I think is why he doesn't like her
I purposely didn't drink at all last night, hoping for less drama.... he didn't even notice.

[FiveForFighting]

Oh how you guys are absolutely correct. The constant stream of negativity and complaining is perpetual. I once made it a point to see if my uPDw would make any positive or constructive comments during a specific time frame. it was years ago and I dont recall how long it was but she made no such comments for a while. We're talking days; couldve been a week or longer. The complaints range from bodily issues like migraines, stomach issues, neck/back issues, being tired, being overwhelmed with normal schedule stressors or commitments, being financially strapped and having "all the bills piled on her" while not relinquishing any control of them, family issues, then all things that I dont do to help relieve the stress and how I just "line up like all the other kids and wait to be told what to do", how sick she is of living in the house and having no room, and how she hates the dogs.... The stream of complaining is endless. Its exhausting and depressing to live in a home that is an emotional black hole.

[Boat Babe]

Yes. Waterfalls of moaning and negativity. They love it.

[downwiththefog]

The constant stream of negativity and complaining is perpetual.
... The stream of complaining is endless. Its exhausting and depressing to live in a home that is an emotional black hole.

I can relate. That's how my uPDw communicates too.
I can blame myself a bit for only clearly seeing the abnormality now.
In our case after me cancelling a divorce and dragging her to therapy the usual subject of complaining is me.
If occasionally it is someone else, I should be able to see my defects in that 3rd person behavior 
I have at last stopped being dragged into her drama, but the temptation to JADE and maybe explode remains suppressed.

Thanks for sharing

[lkdrymom]

And the crazy thing is they don't see this as complaining. They don't see the negativity.  You know how they say a person is a "glass half full" or "glass half empty" type person?  My husband is "the glass is dirty and has a crack" type of person.  Sometimes he is ok but then he gets in a mood where everything is wrong. Everything makes him mad.  We are going for our Christmas tree this weekend and he found they raised the prices again.  Yes I know this stinks...but everyone is raising prices.  I don't want to hear about it for days on end.  If I pointed out his endless complaining, he would either get mad or haven't a clue what I am talking about...he is just talking.  They don't see the negativity because it is their style of communicating.

[11JB68]

Of course I'm realizing now that I am here complaining about him complaining.... so....
Also remembered today that his complaints started as soon as we got to friends house on Saturday. They have a sign,  surveillance camera in use. Updh: camera, c what camera? I don't see cameras.   Me: they probably have a Ring doorbell.  Him: they'd still need a camera,  I don't see a camera,  that's so stupid.
*sigh* turned out they do have a Ring....

[Matilda]

Ah yes. The chronically miserable man. A curmudgeon.

Mine is the same. Negative about everything all the time. Can't ever give a compliment without adding a dig. "It's good, but not like my mother made".

He likes to stir up controversy. Often taking an antagonistic position about something he really doesn't care about. Politics, for example. Just to be contrary.

He likes to crap on everyone else too. If they live in California, he will dump on it. If they like Tom Brady, he will dump on it. A friend has a baby and uses a nanny, he will judge them. I'm like, "and you consider him a FRIEND??? What do you say to people you DON'T like???"

I've been known my whole life (despite challenges) as a Pollyanna.  Perhaps  that's why he was drawn to me. But the last 7 years with him have sucked the joy out of me. I've never been more cynical. It's a struggle.