no tears

[Jolie40]

so funeral was a week ago
since then haven't much thought about it
is it weird that I haven't cried, either?

when our first dog died, I cried on and off for a whole year! every time I thought of her, I'd tear up
she was our pet before we became parents & we were super close to our dog

even though I was scapegoat in family, shouldn't there be some tears for parent?

[Call Me Cordelia]

There's no rule that you have to weep. Or if there is, it's way way less important than the rules about loving your children, caring for them, and helping them grow to be the best person they can be. You can't give back what wasn't given to you in the first place. And if you have no tears left, well that's simply a reflection of your reality.

[moglow]

It actually makes sense to me - Without that attachment or relationship, I can see where there might be no real sense of loss. She's been "gone" for quite some time when you think about it.

Sadly I can see the same thing happening with mine. I find her whole situation sad, but because she *chose* it instead of reaching out to the family right in front of her. Repeated attempts to reach her on any level were rebuffed or ignored in favor of her sad attempts to drive the drama train.

[Srcyu]

Well I must be weird too. I can live with that.
My NPD mother died quite a few years ago now. The long term no contact probably helped but yeah, I felt absolutely nothing.

[SunnyMeadow]

I got a call that my mom died. Well, the cna from the assisted living place said "she's unresponsive", she didn't say she died just unresponsive. So I said " is someone working on her"? She repeated that term and finally I said "YOU MEAN SHE DIED"??

I hung up the phone and was shocked but didn't cry. I never cried that she was gone. Like moglow said about without attachment or relationship, there's no real sense of loss. But I had huge relief. I had been detaching from my mother for years. Once I saw her treatment of others for what it really was, I detached.

Jolie40 like you, I cried more about my elderly dog's passing than my own mother. So I'd say it's not weird maybe just unexpected.

[bee well]

I'm sorry for the loss.

I agree there is no rule that says one must weep, if ever. We all grieve in our own way and some times it comes in waves. that might involve weeping, or perhaps not. Peace to you as you move through these phases.

[Hazel Eyes]

so funeral was a week ago
since then haven't much thought about it
is it weird that I haven't cried, either?

even though I was scapegoat in family, shouldn't there be some tears for parent?

I do not think it is weird at all that you haven't cried. I was the scapegoat of my family as well. My Cluster B nightmare of a father passed away at the end of August 2021 from Covid complications. He was living with his second family in another country when it happened. My initial response was some shock at hearing the news. After that, nothing. No tears, no regrets, and no real anger at the time (that came later and I may post about it in this forum at some point).

As time went on I realized this was because I had put so much time, effort, and tears into my relationship with him while he was still alive. And he honestly did not care at all. In fact, he would use my efforts against me. And tell me that it was my fault all along and that he had no regrets about his treatment of me. By the time he passed, I had already been through the process of grieving him while he was alive. Although, I did not know this at the time. So, I had nothing left in that aspect after he was gone.

Everyone processes this type of thing in their own way. The way I dealt with it may not be how someone else would. I can only share my experience. You may find that certain feelings may pop up after the fact (as time progresses). Those are normal. How you chose to handle and process them will be unique to you. Take care.