Addicted

[Addictedtoher]

I recently caught my girlfriend of 4.5 years cheating on me, amongst a ton of other things.  She said I am sorry you are hurting.  She never acting apologitc.   In fact almost made me feel as if I was to blame for it.  She made me feel terrible when I caught her.  I have read three books on narcissism and she checks all the boxes.  I have never been the jealous type, stalkerish, possessive, etc.   Every day the only thing I can think about is what she did to me.  I can not get it out of my mind.  All the lies she told me, all the cheating, all the deceit.  I find myself looking at her social media accounts mulitiple times a day.  We have spoken four times in person since the she has been caught, and each time I leave feeling worse.  I know I have to go no contact but I feel I have become addicted to this person.  I don't know what to do or how to make this feelings or thoughts go away.  I booked a theraphy session next week.  I feel ashamed, humality, dehumanized, amongst a ton of other feelings.  I just need help. 

[hhaw]

Sorry you're struggling, Addicted.

It's likely you're current relationship is about childhood trauma.....not about this cheating gf.

A good trauma informed Therapist, working to help you learn to process the trauma through strategies such as EMDR and Advanced Integrative Therapy (AIT) among many others, will help identify causes and teach you better coping strategies.

Like zen masters, you'll always be practicing.....always be doing your self care work. 

Therapists don't auto heal us, ime.  Healing never comes from outside.

They teach how to heal ourselves.

Healing comes from inside.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up for ANY of your feelings.

Try to assume a posture of curiosity and drop judgment altogether.

Accept what you find and cannot change....just embrace it.

Be super kind to yourself.....extend tsunamis of self compassion and return to it when you forget.

Everyone forgets and that's ok too.

It's how humans learn.

[Starboard Song]

I know I have to go no contact but I feel I have become addicted to this person.  I don't know what to do or how to make this feelings or thoughts go away.  I booked a theraphy session next week.  I feel ashamed, humality, dehumanized, amongst a ton of other feelings.  I just need help.

There is no need to feel ashamed. You are facing something uncommon, and hard to understand. You are doing your best with something actually hard, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Recognizing this sense of an addiction is important: treat it as one. Treat it just as seriously as you would any addiction. You need IRL friends, probably, to help set some rules for yourself, and then to hold yourself accountable. You can do this. Welcome to Out of the FOG. We understand here.