Emotionally Drained

[InkedupKC]

I have known this woman (also her NEX, had a friendship with the both met at the same time) The three of us came really good friends and the closer we got the more little things became concerning to me. With over a decade in law enforcement, my gut kept telling me something is up, but he was very careful what he said no matter if it was him and I or all of us.
At some point she began contacting me without him (I am single) we never flirted at all not even when it was just the two of us. By now we had been friends for two years, the day after Valentine's 22 we connect and she is a bit tipsy and wants to know if I wanted to watch The Notebook while video chatting. I agree and she tells me that there is a alot I am not aware of but no detail further. After the movie she tells me how much she loves the time we spend together and thanks me for always being there. Of course I thank her for the compliment and try to pry to no avail which I backed off but made it very clear if she were in need of anything at all, she just need to say the word.
Not a word from any of them until Nov. 22 she sends me a very very long email detailing the horrific abuse she had been enduring through the six years had me in tears, and angry beyond imagine. She also reveals that she was becoming romantically interested in me, which was the reason for dropping contact as she felt guilty and inappropriate. I respond to her and we begin speaking every. single. day.
Now with my professional background, I have plenty of experience in the matter and how to get her the resources she needs to start her healing process. She has moved in with her parents which has been a struggle for her self esteem and is prone to bouts of depression, being a bit overweight also contributed to her feelings. During these last few months, I had encouraged counseling and fitness routine for her health and happiness.
She has really bought in the physical side but not so much on the counseling. Of course we have become very close to the point we spend our free time on the phone or video chat. If I fall asleep while we are on she will stay on till she falls asleep or watch me for a while before hanging up.
We have had the discussion of her not being anywhere near ready for a relationship and I am 100% ok with waiting. Now in the last two weeks she has went from the timid, thoughtful and conservative. If I would even mention any single body part she would get shy and ask why is that more important than who I am. (it isnt to me) She has began to get all this new attention with her losing 30 pounds.
Lately I have been pointing out the change in her attention seeking with her new physical fitness and becoming very assertive almost to the point of aggression. It really seems like she has developed NPD traits that haven't manifested until the weight loss...

[SonofThunder]

Hello InkedupKC,

First a warm welcome to Out of the FOG!  Second, thank your for your decade+ of public service in law enforcement!   

Im sorry to read you are experiencing difficulty in this relationship. To all newcomers, I suggest they visit both the personality disorders tab and the toolbox tab located in the top right side of every page.  I believe that spending ample time in those two tabs, and reading through all their wonderful content, may help align any traits listed, to the behaviors you experience and also provide you some good and effective tips. 

Again welcome, and see you around the boards.  You are not alone. 

SoT