Narcissist and The Funhouse effect

[kethartikt0kb00m]

People might believe dating a narc is like entering their home. Except they didn't tell you that their home is actually a funhouse mirror. Going in knowing it's a funhouse is no problem, because you can mentally differentiate illusion from reality because you were mentally prepared before hand. But not knowing it makes you fall victim to actually believing the reflections looking back at you. You may look distorted, wider, stretchy or fat and odd and the narc will say they don't see a difference and that that's how you've always looked, but, it isn't true.

They will chip away slowly at your reliance on your own self perception and as a result you stop trusting your own eyes. The narc seem like they would know better than you. So sooner than later you lose your mind, not being able to remember that you really looked like before ever going in. Imagine how psychologically damaging that is. Those who don't understand might say "Why don't you just leave?"

Imagine this. You want to get out of there. You'll see a door and go to turn the knob only to realize it's not real and is but a mere reflection of a door from the mirror behind you. Then the narc tells you that the reason is because you are already outside and you are behaving strangely. How maddening is that? However, that is just a relationship.

Now i want you to imagine for a second that you have narc parents. That means all you know is the funhouse mirror. That is your reality since birth. You were always told you really are as weird looking, wacky looking, stretched out or fat and wide as the mirror suggested and you wouldn't have any reference to fall back on because to you, this must be true. Because this always was. You don't have a good idea of what you look like because the inconsistent reflection always changes according to where you are in the funhouse.

Suppose you get older and leave the funhouse mirror and begin to see normal mirrors for the first time. Now this can affect you in one out of two ways. 1) The deep programming of your narc patents start to kick in. you remember them raising you to believe that you are naive, and that this world is untrustworthy. You believe that gaslighting lessons they've taught you your whole life and start to sadly believe the mirror reflecting how you truly look is the illusion, and that the funhouse mirrors that you grew up with is the reality. Or 2) You slowly begin to reason that the probability of every single mirror you see outside being untrustworthy except the funhouse is unreasonable and you begin to
doubt. You compare how you feel when you see the never-changing reflection of the mirrors at your job, school, friends' house or anywhere else showing yourself to how you feel when you see the ever-shifting reflection of the ones back home. You realize you've been duped and start to wise up. Ultimately, the effects of that funhouse will always leave a mark on your psyche. How you move forward from there is up to you.

[moglow]

I don't know how I/we missed this and my apologies for not responding long before now!

This is profound, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts. Funhouse mirrors and trust issues abound!!

you get older and leave the funhouse mirror and begin to see normal mirrors for the first time. Now this can affect you in one out of two ways. 1) The deep programming of your narc patents start to kick in. you remember them raising you to believe that you are naive, and that this world is untrustworthy. You believe that gaslighting lessons they've taught you your whole life and start to sadly believe the mirror reflecting how you truly look is the illusion, and that the funhouse mirrors that you grew up with is the reality. Or 2) You slowly begin to reason that the probability of every single mirror you see outside being untrustworthy except the funhouse is unreasonable and you begin to
doubt. You compare how you feel when you see the never-changing reflection of the mirrors at your job, school, friends' house or anywhere else showing yourself to how you feel when you see the ever-shifting reflection of the ones back home. You realize you've been duped and start to wise up. Ultimately, the effects of that funhouse will always leave a mark on your psyche. How you move forward from there is up to you.

Another thought - The slightest shift in position with those funhouse mirrors gives a whole other response from one moment to the next, some you never expect, so distorted from reality that you can't fathom how it got there. That distortion doesn't stop when one becomes an adult, as they're thrust in front of us over and over again for decades.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm nearing 40 and still occasionally encounter a "normal" mirror I've never seen before, and there's a certain emotional whiplash to realizing exactly how messed up my mother's funhouse mirror really is.

[Srcyu]

I read an article once that children of bpd parents are seen as being an empty mirror.
We reflect nothing back to them, or least, nothing they want to see.

The mirrors they hold up are the reflections of their disturbed personalities, ugly, mean and selfish.

We should smash those mirrors to the ground.

[Escaped_Goat]

So well put thank you so much for sharing.

I'm 3 years out of the funhouse and people in the funhouse are still cross I left. They want me to think the funhouse is fine and not as bad as I think and that I was the problem. They cant say 'if this funhouse isn't good for you then I support you leaving'. They can't validate me becuase they need to believe the mirrors for themselves. It's sad but your illustration helps me put down the guilt. I didn't make make the funhouse, I haven't trapped anyone in it, they can leave or stay, it's up to them. I was allowed to leave and people who love me will be happy for me. If you're not happy I got away you're not interested in my wellbeing.

[somekindofchange]

for me some of what comes up thinking about my mom is how desperately that person running the fun house doesn't want you to leave them and how much pain is there. that makes my heart hurt

this is really well-written and well put, thanks for your writing

[NotCryingGlitter]

Wow, just wow. I will have to use this metaphor to explain things.