Hey everyone - partner of someone who suffers with OCPD here

[Tyler1984]

Hey everyone. A little bit about me and my situation. My partner (who I've been close with for 15 years) has recently been diagnosed with OCPD. Before this, she was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety and is medically retired. I've recently begun to suspect I have ADHD inattentive type. I'm still learning about both conditions, but what I can tell you is that they don't mix very well.

Recently, my partner has started to shut me and our dog out (for the last 2-3 days), claiming we don't care about her or don't help her. I'm willing to help with anything and try my best to do so but she's just so angry that no matter what I do lately it's not getting through. I can manage with her being sad and her not feeling the best when she's able to rely on me to help and trusts me to help. But this 'us against her' thing is sad, mentally exhausting and is causing my work to decline (I sought out a remote job to make sure I could be at home to help). She even threw things at me last night.

Does anybody have any suggestions on how to help her to get her back to a more balance place?

PS: She's started therapy a few weeks ago and her second session is tomorrow. I hope it helps.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am sorry you had to find us and glad you did.
Firstly: I am not sure if you live with your partner, but if you do-  your partner locking  you out of the house is abuse. Unless she needs to do that because otherwise she will suffer physical harm. But that is not what you are telling us. You try to support her and help her. Hence,  do you have a place where you and your dog find shelter ? Where you can work, sleep, feel safe? If not, that might be the first task for you- find accommodation where you can feel safe. A room of your own.
Partners of people suffering with OCPD seem to have a particularly hard time with understanding that they are being abused, possibly because of the combination of helplessness, crazy rules, and distorted view of reality they experience in  succession. And any attempt at implementing healthy boundaries will be met with frightening temper tantrums by the OCPD sufferer.
Please study the Toolbox and the Traits in the personality disorders tab.  The earlier you give up hope of ever being able to change your partner and start working on your responses to her bizarre behavior, the faster you can improve your life. See you around on the boards!

[11JB68]

To add to some of what NotRight said.... one thing that has helped me is learning about the concept of coercive control