Using kids now? PD sibling using kids to stalk, as retaliation for police call!

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

Well, the latest is that my PD brother (47), is using his child to pester me...

Background - my brother (47) - who has lived with my PD parents for the past 2 1/2 years, is continually verbally abusive, and in December was violent(swearing and kicking at a locked bathroom door,where I was brushing my teeth-there were other options for him, he was being 'territorial about my parents property', most recently my parents arranged for me to stay at the tiny rustic cabin, told him not to come out when I was there, and he came out anyway, so I called the police (who were wonderful)...

FOO are Darvoing about this: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=93321.0

As part of the 'fall out' for my 'impertinence' in making an emergency call to police about his violent, stalky behaviour, my PD brother is now using his 6 year old niece as a 'flying monkey'!

I usually love hearing from my niece, she is a lovely girl, and I have seen her being bullied by her parents and brother. I have always made sure to be very kind and loving whenever I see her, I think she needs an extra dose of kindness!

Anyway, I was delighted when, about two months ago, she added me on 'whatsapp' - she sends me little videos she makes of her cat and that sort of thing.

Anyway, last week, having returned from my hometown (a 10 hour drive), to where I currently live, I got some unusual prank calls from her. It just seemed very out of character!

The most recent was an audio recording with my brother in the background, talking about my whereabouts! Creepy!

Anyway, I feel like he's using my little niece to continue pestering me. It's quite sad, because I think it's good for her to have a way to communicate with someone who is never going to be mean to her, but at the same time, I will definitely 'grey rock' a bit - keeping up the cat videos, I think!

[Poison Ivy]

Darn it. I'm sorry for both you and your niece that this is happening.

[JollyJazz]

Thanks Poison Ivy!!! 

Yes - I think I will keep up the connection in a 'grey rock' way 

[Srcyu]

Your poor niece, that's awful. Obviously he goes through her phone - horrible man.

[Call Me Cordelia]

6 is so so young for having access to messaging. I would assume that anything you and she communicate to each other is heavily policed by your brother, and possibly even directed by him. Giving access to yourself for her is also giving access to him. You are right this is going to have to be an exercise in rock-solid boundaries, should you choose to engage on this platform.

I would save that audio recording though. Isn't he aware there's already a police file about his stalking you? 

[JollyJazz]

Hi Windmill,

Thanks for your message

Yes, I am very concerned for my niece. She is definitely the scapegoat in his dysfunctional family!

I try and be as kind to her as I can, but opportunities to see her are scarce, and since he is being aggro, I need to put my safety first.

[JollyJazz]

6 is so so young for having access to messaging. I would assume that anything you and she communicate to each other is heavily policed by your brother, and possibly even directed by him. Giving access to yourself for her is also giving access to him. You are right this is going to have to be an exercise in rock-solid boundaries, should you choose to engage on this platform.

I would save that audio recording though. Isn't he aware there's already a police file about his stalking you? 

Hi Call me Cordelia!

Yes, I think she is alarmingly young to have her own phone. If I was her mum, I would be worried sick about groomers etc. (I am also worried for her, as her aunt!). Kids are so innocent and naive, they could be so easily tricked by a predatory person.

I wouldn't be surprised if the primary purpose in giving her a phone was allowing her to act as a 'pawn' in her parents various manipulations.

Yes - the audio message with my brother talking about my whereabouts in the background was quite creepy, he said he could 'see' that my call was from (the town I'm currently in), I started wondering if my FOO has set up a location tracker on my phone (would not be AT ALL surprising considering their history of harassment and stalking). He clearly wanted to let me know, via my niece.

Thank you for your concern yes, my phone auto records those messages, so I have that message. Yes, you are correct, there is now a police file, and I  might add the audio files to the police file.

I still feel so supported knowing how seriously the police took it! They were wonderful.

My parents on the other hand totally minimised everything  my mother flipped out at me for being 'unloving', which is bonkers, quite frankly, my brother attacks the door (violent kicking, hitting, shouting), swearing at me, calls me names (while I'm inside minding my own business), and I'm labelled 'unloving'???

I'm going to look up the issues around locations etc. On my phone, my brother isn't as clever as he thinks he is, so he's kind of given himself away with his latest indirect threat!

[bunnie]

Our pd sibling weaponizes her kids against us. It is so disgusting and painful.  If/when we engage then the kids (really the upd sis and brother in law) throw loads of abusive correspondence our way. Sis and b-i-l claim, "these are the thoughts of the kids, they hate you and don't want you around". If we refuse to engage, the kids are told "see they don't love you enough to respond".  At one point in time, I kept making efforts (at the insistence of my parents and my own conscience) to heal the breach because of the kids. The last time I tried one of the kids wanted to physically fight me. I later found out the poor kid cried like a baby because they were trying to "stand up for their parents" and were afraid that I'd be taken away to prison (parents scare the children that they will kill us or we'll go to prison). Horrible emotional abuse.

It's a total double bind situation, so do what is healthiest for the kids first (we've stayed away and informed the authorities, school, and cps) and then yourself. Hopefully, the kids grow up and understand sooner rather than later.

[JollyJazz]

Hi Bunnie,

Yikes, I am so sorry to hear what you and your nieces and nephews have been through.

Absolutely dreadful emotional abuse and manipulation all around!

Thanks for sharing your story, while I'm sorry that you have also experienced this abuse, it helps to hear that I'm not the only one!