Cleaning up

[Pepin]

I have always taken pride in being a clean and organized person.  My younger self struggled with this.  While I had a moderately clean room, my drawers, closet., etc. were a mess and I was a semi hoarder.  When I arrived at college, it was then that I realized that I needed to keep my things in order and do better - something that I have lived by for decades.  My house, my yard, my cars and even my garage (ok this needs some more help) are generally clean and tidy.

Yet, my emotional space has not always been in order.  I have been thinking recently that I need to clean up the other people in my life so I can focus more on me.  My children are currently safe and not a part of this clean up.  My husband is still under investigation for past behaviors related to CN MIL.  My siblings are under low contact and on track to be removed from my life after NF is no longer around due to their unacceptable and hurtful behaviors learned from our past - unless they can take accountability on some level. 

My small friend group - this is where I struggle.  I yearn for friends that are more inline with myself -- who enjoy similar interests and who are more or less transparent with me.  I feel that my current friends have more in common with each other due to their children being close.  One of my children was close when younger but they just don't have much in common...not that that is the basis for everything.  One friend has a lot of issues and I have had to set boundaries around that - which is kind of exhausting for me.  The other friend at times seems to have this streak for lack of better words where they completely forget I exist and leave me out of certain communications.  I don't know what this means and I have tried very hard to understand.  It makes me feel punished and at my age I don't take kindly to that.  It has happened enough times now that I am uncomfortable and this friend is also now in a lower contact position.

Ugh.  I need new people in my life.  Trying to figure out how to make this happen as I am an introvert and can only handle so much interaction with people -- although more and more, I think it is because I don't have the right people in my life.  I've always wished I had some nice neighbors to be friends with but all of mine are more or less very busy with their own lives doing things that are different than mine.  I get along with many of my older neighbors as well but their activity level is at a different level than mine and I really need people to hang with that are similar in age that are going through things someone of my age wold be experiencing.  There is that....being mindful of this next generally PD free stage of my life...trying to do better and be better.  Hoping to relocate in a few years....I believe this would make a significant difference in having a fresh start.

[SonofThunder]

Hi Pepin,

Sorry to read about the frustrations, yet at the same time, they seem to be motivating you. I don't enjoy the push-pull of that reality combo, but I try to proactively lean on the motivation side.  You wrote:

"Ugh. I need new people in my life.  Trying to figure out how to make this happen as I am an introvert and can only handle so much interaction with people -- although more and more, I think it is because I don't have the right people in my life."



I enjoy this website below, so maybe these articles on introvert friendships may have some additional motivation, just for you ☺️

https://introvertdear.com/news/category/love/friends/

All the best,

SoT