No FOMO here!

[Call Me Cordelia]

I had a funny experience today. Funny because it was new to me. Chatting with a friend about Christmas plans, as one does. She's a bit sad about missing Christmas Eve with her FOO, but needs to be at home for Christmas morning with their children. Going several hours to her FOO the day after Christmas, catching up with siblings and cousins, then when they get home her IL's are coming to visit for a few days.

Now as far as I know she has lovely family members. But for the first time I didn't feel any twinge of, "Man we are missing out on a big family Christmas! This isn't fair. Is she pitying me?" I just felt happy with our own plans, getting to actually relax over Christmas week, and genuinely interested in what they had going on. Woohoo!

[Cat of the Canals]

I am so jaded by my FOO and my husband's FOO, that I genuinely cringe when people talk about spending time with their families, on their behalf. Like, "Oh no, stuck with your parents or in-laws for two weeks?!" I've never had FOMO because I don't know what I'd be missing out on in the first place, lol.

[moglow]

I've never had FOMO because I don't know what I'd be missing out on in the first place

  Same.

'Delia I've always felt kinda bad for the kids to "have to rush around and go to grandma's Christmas morning then the other grand that afternoon" - what about their own Christmas?? Why can't the kids spend a leisurely morning/day with their new toys and visit "later"? What's wrong with grands coming to the kids or the extended families gathering a few days later? Big family gatherings sound all well and good but it just seems like a lot to ask of kids.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Oh, for sure. That's not what's happening for my friend, fortunately.

But today... I'm back to, "One person isn't supposed to make the magic all by herself! This really isn't fair. I hate everyone bah humbug!"

So time to call a family meeting to set expectations and if people want something to happen, (Gingerbread houses? Set up trains? Particular food?) when and how we are ALL going to make it work. At least those of us out of diapers.

[JustKathy]

After going NC I had JOMO - JOY of Missing Out. 

Christmas with my family was absolute torture. I'll spare you the details, but the entire day was a staged event to make my Nmother look like the perfect parent. I suffered through this every year until I finally went NC in my 50s. Now I get to spend the holidays with my friends and neighbors and pets who actually care about me. My only regret is not going NC sooner.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yeah, never been FOMO for my actual family Christmas. Those were likewise torturous and I was aware of that. I suppose it's more giving up on the idea of a family Christmas? Now the lack of true family is out in the open? I don't know. But yeah, I've never had any regrets on what I was ACTUALLY missing, only ever regrets over the fantasy and appearance of normalcy/being socially acceptable?

My grandparents came for Christmas, everyone was freaked out and dysregulated the whole time, the two sets of grandparents did their weird oneupsmanship game, my one non-abusive grandparent slept on the couch, while my parents tried to act like everything was fine, and if anyone paid attention to the kids it was to tell us we weren't playing our happy grateful holiday roles well enough. Same as an adult, endless nitpicking and passive-aggressive gift shenanigans all around.

It was really nice to not have a shame attack over having opted out of all that and not being pulled to explaining myself whatsoever.

[moglow]

I've never had any regrets on what I was ACTUALLY missing, only ever regrets over the fantasy and appearance of normalcy/being socially acceptable?

This is kinda where I am, no qualms over not making myself available but it does kinda grind hearing others' plans and the excitement of their planned gatherings. I just ache and want it to be over so people will stop asking if I'm ready for Christmas yet ...

Last night md called, left vm asking about my "weekend plans." [Odd segue even for her] I've not called and don't plan to but: Same as most other weekends - I won't be visiting, thx.

Today's mood: Bah humbug.