Narc mom slept with my bf

[Daughterofnarc]

If you are thinking of cutting off your abusive parent, this is your sign.

Do it. Do it today. Do it before they steal anymore of your precious life.

Go no contact. Screw the flying monkeys. Act like they don’t exist. Don’t let their parasitic influence take over your head any longer.

Don’t be me like me and be sat here 35 years later with a ton of trauma and regret stewing at all the absurd violations you’ve tolerated in the name of playing ‘happy family ’ . Don’t listen to the naive / dangerous therapists pushing you to ‘get along’ or ‘make amends’. There is no such thing possible with a predator.

I’m currently sat kicking myself with anger at the fact I haven’t done it sooner. The waves of anger want to burst out of me at times but I have to keep it in to save myself from falling into their traps

If this were any other person - a friend or a partner - I would of been gone long ago

Nothing has changed about my psychopath mother in 35 years. In fact she’s got more desperate with her smearing tactics and more pathologically jealous and driven to sabotage me. At this point I am genuinely alarmed by her psychology and wouldn’t put it past her to try and get me killed

Her ego cannot stand my truth or willpower. She cannot accept I’m a separate person to her. She has always been like this to me since a baby: I was the assigned scapegoat and she groomed everyone around to join in on the abuse fest , including my narc golden child sister…who is a Minnie version of her. She can lie with ease.

She has launched a full on 360 attack on me including turning all family members against me bar one, lying to medical staff making out I’m crazy / delusional and manipulating/ sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back, the same boyfriend I ran to , to get away from her vicious attacks.

She knew he was my only source of support and she was pathologically jealous of our relationship so she manipulated him against me and slept with him.. when I say she goes after anyone close to me…I mean it. She doesn’t want me to have an inch of happiness. Anybody on my side.

She feels ‘wronged’ because I stood up to her ritual abuse.  Talk about ‘why not meeeee’ syndrome. Even boyfriends aren’t off bounds- there is nothing she doesn’t want to strip from me. Don’t even ask how I found out, that’s another traumatic event in itself. I am still recovering

My advice to those of you with narc mothers is to cut complete contact . Jealous vindictive female narcs are no joke. They may not hit you but they will do everything else

Cut contact with any middle men, give them zero information as it will all be weaponised against you, infront or behind your back

How can she possibly think she is normal? How does she live with herself?

Easy, the narc has no empathy so nothing holds them back. They can lie and switch masks with ease. That is their ‘normal’ and in fact you are the problem for calling it out! Apparently…

I can’t believe I’m related to such low life desperate garbage, it’s honestly embarrassing . I am equally ashamed of my other family members who swallowed her version of events. It’s not naivety but wilful ignorance at this point, they don’t want to be involved in the ‘drama’ but by believing her they already have. One even started making excuses for her saying she had a tough childhood. Boo-hoo. I said I don’t care, she made mine hell, adulthood too. I can’t believe how skilled these narcs are at gaining sympathy when they’re the abuser violating me. She knows full well what she did to me and she did it with spite

My mother has always been extremely insecure and self serving deep down. I used to feel sorry for her as a kid due to grooming but now I only feel disgust. She purposely alienated me from my father so she could have more control. Control is her middle name. She has no concept of love.

In fact looking back…every insecure person I felt sorry for later shitted on me. There’s a lesson in that. Some people are insecure because they are truly bad people. They don’t like themselves. They are missing a soul. And that’s why yours irks them so much

I believe she only had me to make herself look better- something to brag about and use as a punching bag . No one else can barely tolerate her, so she had kids she can force to deal with her. She is extremely narcissistic- no amount of bargaining will work and she never apologises for any of her rage filled  vindictive outbursts

She believes she is right about everything but repeatedly makes the same mistakes at the expense of everyone else, refuses people advise and has mentally harmed all 4 of her children. She does not care and will go to extreme lengths to defend her fictional take on reality

I hate to get religious but narcissists and pyscho paths really are disturbed and demonic. You will learn this as the years tick by. It is a sickness of the spirit. You will witness over and over again how predatory, calculated, insecure  and vicious they are. You will be in frequent disbelief at the stunts they pull and the people who gobble their lies. They are possessed. That’s why they never change. That’s why they’re obsessed with smearing, violating and destroying you.

They don’t change. They are skilled at playing on your desire for a mother but they are never going to deliver. They will use intermittent stints of fake kindness to groom you only to get info to weaponise against you. They are only going to groom, gaslight, deprive, neglect and abuse by diminishing your spirit. In fact their end goal is to make you as hate filled as themselves. Their aim is to kill your spirit

Mark my words : narcissist parents are predators who enjoy your suffering . They are not lost, poor lonely victims that ‘sometimes get it wrong’. They are merciless predators and master manipulators. They will go after your job, friends, family, boyfriend, education, esteem- you name it . Proximity to them can destroy your life

It’s like they’re almost amazed by how much damage they can cause. They love the power and control, especially when people swallow their lies.

Whilst you are busy suffering and recovering from their neglect, abuse and betrayals, they are five steps ahead smearing you to several people so that no one will believe you when you finally stand up. The isolation makes it even more painful and harder to heal. You start questioning your reality. That is the power of a narc, they are skilled at isolating you. They will go where others won’t.

You must accept you will lose many people on this journey. It’s part of the process . Anyone who believes the narcissist is redundant anyway. They will watch you suffer on the sidelines and look away. Theyre spineless. All the enablers of narcs are spineless, they are also complicit in the abuse. It doesn’t matter how many times they see you suffer, they’d rather believe the narcs lies. They’re happy for you to take the punch aslong as it’s not them.

My mother has made up multiple serious lies about me, that are *almost* comical at this point, they just keep getting bigger and bigger. I have given up defending myself

Depending on which lie she’s telling that day I could be a knife weilding nut job or a delusional pyscho who kicks pregnant people

Of course when confronting her lies she has turned red and denied it completely

I knew in the pit of my stomach at six years old something was deeply wrong with my mother. She always disturbed my spirit. Always angry and full of venom. The coming years would only confirm my suspicions to the highest degree

I have withstood decades of abuse from my mother which has affected all aspects of my life from friendships/ relationships to education and my mental health

The pattern has been clear : endless suffering / loss and a wish to live a different life with a different family

My family is riddled with dysfunctional personality disorders and mental illness to the point it has made me not want to be alive countless times

My grandma - a suspected histrionic and narcissist is prone to inappropriate behaviour and erratic narcissistic outbursts, often public

My grandpa - a violent man with an awful temper

Both combined created the worst family member of them all ; my mother.

A unique blend of hate filled rage, uncontrollable temper, erratic mood swings, pathologic jealousy and lying, a complete lack of empathy/ accountability and a blood thirsty need to seek control

I found out a while ago that my narcissist mother had actually stooped to a new low …by manipulating and sleeping with my boyfriend when I was trying to finish college with raging anxiety

She did this deliberately to isolate me and knock me off finishing my college degree. She had it strategically planned. How sick.

I ended up failing when I was just about to finish . When I cried about losing it, she grinned in my face & denied it. At the time I was clueless she was behind it. Now that grin makes me sick. Perhaps I was suffering Stockholm syndrome from all the abuse and mind games. This is what they do so you can never escape or be on your feet. This is why you must get away asap

This was the final year I said good riddance to that nasty spiteful woman. I have lost enough. I have endured enough.

I feel mad at the therapists who repeatedly told me to be ‘resilient’. It just further groomed me to tolerate abuse. My problem is I’ve been too resilient and it’s made my predator mother grow cocky

I honestly believe at this point that she is not only a narcissist but also a pyschopath. She’s sadistic and enjoys watching me suffer

The level of calculation she went to , to pull off that stunt and inflict severe damage was insane

But on the bright side: this is the last nail in the coffin. The last time she disrespects me

But as if that wasn’t bad enough I had to deal with golden child narc sister gaslighting me and painting me as crazy, whilst other family members stayed in denial, ignored my pleas for help and swallowed her version of events where she is the innocent mother and I am crazy

I have cut them all off now and a weight has been lifted. This deranged family and particularly my mother, had tormented me for years

I have nothing left to see. Nothing left to wait for. Nothing left to give. I’ve seen it all in 35 years. My mother is a callous predator and that is the last time I let her violate me

[notrightinthehead]

Wow! What a betrayal! Good for you that you have cut contact with the whole lot.  Welcome! You are not alone and sadly you are not the only one. There are many on here who have the misfortune to have unfit parents. Not everyone has a Mrs Robinson for a mother though.
As a start you might want to do some self compassion and mindfulness meditations for your inner balance. I am sorry you had the misfortune to find unsuitable therapists. I hope you have some real life support to help you through the transition to no contact with your family. See you around.

[SunnyMeadow]

But on the bright side: this is the last nail in the coffin. The last time she disrespects me

This is one of the most nasty and lowdown things I've read in a long time. How disgusting of her. She definitely sounds like she wants to make you suffer. You sound smart and brave, narc mom can't handle it. Good for you dumping and discarding the entire pile of this evil garbage.

[easterncappy]

All I can say is yuck. I'm lucky to have never experienced the common PD mom trait of being sleazy around men I was with. I cannot imagine. That is just beyond grotesque in a way that I think violates basic unspoken rules about relationships (ie, don't... date people who your immediate relatives dated!?). Yuck yuck yuck.

I would go NC after getting my vomiting under control. Just. Bleh. WTF?

These people are truly sick to a degree that I don't believe is fixable anymore. I believe some of the self-aware ones can get it under control to a point where they live functional lives, but it's rare and not worth entertaining. NC is the best. NC is the safest thing for you. They know how to cross lines that a normal person never even thinks could be crossed. And once those lines are crossed, pretty much nothing could ever create a normal relationship. This level of sexual deviancy means the relationship is totally unsalvagable.

I am so sorry that your mom used your intimate relationship as a validation factory at your expense.

[NotCryingGlitter]

I'm sorry you've had to endure this. None of it is fair or right.

Your mentions about a 5 steps ahead of you smear campaign really stuck out and are something I will try to remember, to remind me to be cautious of what things I tell to other people that know them -- or being very careful about who they are made aware is a friend of mine.

I hope that, one day when you're ready, you'll be able to finish your degree and tell yourself "she didn't stop me from it".

Hang in there, and stay as far away from that family as possible; find a good support group and therapist and build your own family. "Show them" by achieving your dreams despite their attempts to stop it.

[olivegirl]

My Bpd Queen/Witch mother is more Witch and I believe full Sociopath.

I know the waves of anger and looking back, I see it as a gift as for far too long I let her victim act and my fear of her run my life.

Her smear campaign started when I was 8 and she poisoned my entire family, my friends, my in-laws all against me as she would contact them behind my back.

I wanted to believe her lies for so long because it was easier for me to believe that I was the problem.  She is a prolific liar. 

Her sadistic glee and evil laughter when I begged her to stop causing me pain.  Followed by her charming breadcrumbs of kindness and fake apologies.  Constant chaos. 

Her ultimate goal is to destroy me so that she can dominate me completely. 

I felt and still do feel sooooo much shame and revulsion that she is my mother.  That said, I remind myself that I did not choose her.

Moving 1k miles away from her has helped my peace of mind. 

Even though I am NC, I still get nightmares.  Our last conversation she was especially cruel and she vowed to break into my home with her suitcase and that she will move into my house regardless of my wishes.

I also struggled for a long time because I physically look very much like her!  I hate seeing her in the mirror.

No Contact has truly started to heal me.  As she is aging, her mask has started to slip and even though too much time has passed to repair relationships that she has poisoned via her triangulation, the validation has helped my healing too.

I know she, more than anything, wants me to be bitter.  Her favorite saying is "Misery loves company."  Oh the projection!

So by engaging in self-care, therapy, my medical prescription of anti-depressants, and focusing on my blessings:  slowly I have become a happier person.

My children will never despise me.  They will love and respect me as I truly love and respect them.

And I know it is killing her that I have the capacity to feel joy and love and for that, I do admit feels like I am winning in the end.

I just feel extreme pity for her now. 

We are here for you!