Made the mistake of thinking we could have a pleasant outing

[Cascade]

I made the mistake of asking if my pdh wanted to go on an outing with me recently. I was hoping to leave first thing in the morning to avoid crowds. My husband agreed to go but he said he had some things to do first, so we didn't leave until late morning. Then he made a "wrong" turn and ended up driving around for a good long time. I suspect he did this on purpose to delay our arrival further. Once we arrived he spent most of his time on his phone texting. He also took selfies but no pictures of the two of us, as is the norm for him, and he lagged way behind me. It was like being there by myself, but worse. He also took a lot of wrong turns on the way home. I need to remind myself that it is better to stay home and get potentially bored, rather than going somewhere with him.

[Juju]

Sounds familiar Cascade, whenever I talk my udpdp into anything it turns out to be not much fun.  Everything is a big deal, I have never seen anyone get so lost at directions, he is hopeless, I wonder sometimes how I ended up with him as he is a crazy version of my dead husband, my husband would do anything and go anywhere, he normally had to talk me into doing things as he was much more adventurous than I, now i'm with someone totally different.  My udpdp also takes many selfies, what does this mean?? I love his honesty about himself though so I now don't even bother asking him to do anything that is out of his comfort zone as I know it will a fiasco!  My guy is also always late, procrastinating as long as possible to go anywhere even his work but fortunately he works for himself so he is only screwing himself,  I know exactly what you are going through. 

[1footouttadefog]

Sounds to me like you need to plan to go alone to outings and not to depend on him for that which he is unable or unwilling to give. 

Took me way too long to figure this out.  Once I did my life was more fulfilling and I had fewer disappointments as I lowered my expectations of my pdh.

[notrightinthehead]

Cascade, it's not better to stay home and be potentially bored. That would mean you are sacrificing another enriching experience on the altar of your relationship. Can you find other people you can do outings with? People like you, who get up early? Then you kindly tell your partner,  I want to leave at that time and you can't make it. And insist on driving yourself when you go together? Because you prefer that? Personal preference. Not criticizing his orientation skills.
Or can you do outings on your own? With the potential of meeting like minded people?
Don't let another part of you shrivel up because your partner doesn't like it. You have the right to be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do. You will pay the price for it. Whatever you decide. Whether you give up your wishes or follow them.

[Kitbit]

I'm feeling sympathy for you and others in this predicament. In my experience, it is actually *because* they knew you were looking forward to the event and you had a hope for a positive outcome (they read this as expectation in a bad way) that they will ruin it. It must play on their need to be in control. This has happened to me a few times. It is incredibly disappointing. I would sometimes have better luck enjoying those moments when they were already in a good mood. If I highlighted a hope for a day, or for the outcome of an encounter, that was a sure trigger for them to ruin it. This is also common with holidays/special occasions. The fewer expectations the safer you are, but it is really hard in a relationship.

[Snicks]

" If I highlighted a hope for a day, or for the outcome of an encounter, that was a sure trigger for them to ruin it." - Agreed. Father's Day approaches. Last year I tried to make the day special and my undiagnosed husband was disengaged - didn't smile or sit with us when we ate (nearby but not 'with' us - and spent time wiping down the counters in the kitchen afterwards rather than talking with our two kids and their significant others. This year I will be away on Father's day... told the kids to deal with him themselves. Tired of 'making nice / trying to make things nice'. I'm getting old and tired. Thinking of getting out and finding peace, quiet, no drama, -sigh.

[Cascade]

Thanks for all your replies. I knew I wouldn't be the only one that has experienced this. Yeah Father's Day and most holidays are okay at best.

[sunshine702]

Yep I will very much agree to the excitement that this time will go right and we will have fun.

My partner is working a massive about between work and school
So we have been trying to plan date nights.  One time was brunch I had been there the week before and was excited to share it with him.  He was ok but clearly not impressed and I was not allowed a mimosa around him.  It was just not as much fun but boy did I have so much hope.  It wasn't awful and nothing was wrong per se.  we have less and less to talk about. 

[Truthseeker1]

I am sorry to admit it but I can so relate. I like what not notrightinthehead said. Don't give up the things you like to do. Don't torment yourself either. I purposefully schedule my activities when I like to do them which is the morning. My uPDw is a night owl. So I tell her the plan and I know she won't go. She may say she will the day before but day of she will not.  If I am out for hours at a time I can invite her to meet me someplace but I know she will be late. I just factor that into my timing. I show up 1/2hr late and I am usually still 15 min ahead of her.  I find it useful to go places she dosnt like to go like hardware store ect. on my own. I tell her I will go here and there first and meet you at the place I know she will like. If I am late it dosnt bother her because she is in her happy place. I have my own car so when I've reached my limit I can scoot down the road and she can feel free to enjoy her time doing her own thing.

[Srcyu]

I always find that t'other person only likes trips out when they are all his idea.
They seem to hate allowing anyone else to make the decisions or to be in charge.