One year out of fog

[Crushed]

Hi! I've been browsing a few times and relate to so many here. 

I have an unPDh and we've been working on mending things for the last year.  I finally came Out of the FOG last spring and recognized his emotionally abusive behaviors.  It was a few months later that I learned about NPD and then this year learned about BPD. I've tried leaving a few times in the last year. He started individual therapy and convinced me to stay. I also started my own therapy. I was resistant to marriage counseling at first, thinking he needed to work on him, but nothing else was helping. We're now about two months in with that.

I've done some things wrong, like telling him he might have a PD.  I've also gotten better about shutting down his drama and not getting engaged in it.  I guess it's boundaries, but to the extreme of going to my room and locking the door. mediumChill seems impossible. Some days I think that I can manage his fits with physical separation but I think my body is telling me differently. 

I've finally gotten validation in couples therapy that our therapist agrees he has a PD. It feels better, knowing someone that's interacted with him agrees, since my therapists have all along.  Of course he's convinced his therapists that I'm the problem and he's not manipulative. But now what?!  It's starting to sink in that validation still isn't a solution.  Even if the couples counselor could convince his therapist that he's has a PD, I know it's a long road to meaningful change. 

He's not contributed financially in 5+ years and yet still told me he felt he has a right to our joint business assets, even when I said no. And he's let things pile up to the point of hoarding.  Part of me keeps hoping that I can convince him of his errors, but there's a growing part of me that understands it's not going to happen.  I try and negotiate with myself, if he would just change this ___.  Ugh-it sucks! 

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome Crushed! It's a process to come Out of the FOG with the bitter realization that if you want to change something in your life, you will have to change your behaviour. That's scary but you have found a community of people who are walking the same path and you can find a lot of support and information here. See you around on the boards.