NC with my father

[manders1188]

Hi, I went NC with my dad about 2 months ago. A little background - he mentally and physically abused my mom when I was in my teens. She separated and got a divorce but he was still mentally abusive. He's a narcissist, self absorbed, jealous, never happy and needy. He relies on me and brother a lot. He's very manipulative with constant guilt trips and he feels he's entitled and expects us to always take care of him. Getting older and seeing who he really is, I've grown to dislike him and became more distant. I finally spoke up for myself and told him all the reasons why we're not that close and the relationship is strained. I also told him he's the main reason for my anxiety and other issues.

He didn't take it well and had a tantrum. He made it all about himself and started accusing me of not helping him with his financial issues and getting around (he has no car due to an accident which lead to him having his license revoked). He didn't take my feelings into consideration at all nor addressed the fact that I have anxiety and other issues due to him. I bothered not to respond and went no contact.

He keeps texting me. He wished me a happy Memorial Day and threw the guilt trip on me saying I didn't wish him a happy birthday. With the Canada wildfires, he texted me saying he hoped I was inside. Yesterday, he texted me saying it would be a blessing for you to come see me on Father's Day. This morning at 5 am, he sends a picture of me and says I'm thinking about you everyday love you lots.

It's very annoying and a little uncomfortable.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Hello Manders - In my opinion, the behavior's you described of your father's are just not your stuff. He can expect all he wants. You do not have to respond to any of it.

As his child, I do not believe it is your job to be his care provider physically or emotionally, to lend financial support or to drive him around. It also can be amazing what people can resolve on their own. 
 
I think the guilt-filled messages, hoover attempts, etc. are his stuff and simply just not yours. You communicated why the relationship was strained. You stated it had caused you anxiety and other issues. I give you a ton of credit for realizing the impacts these dynamics were having on you and instilling boundaries. That sounds like a very healthy step.

I think narcissists usually do not easily accept responsibility or alter their behaviors. He may continue to do these things, but it does not mean you have to be swayed or alter the healthy course it seems you have begun.