I've noticed that I dislike pretty conflict

[Prototypian]

My uOCPD spouse and kids often each fight with each other over very petty things.  They do strange arguments at times we should be enjoying ourselves and I hate it.   I've given up trying to sort things out for them and I have been wondering if I am being an ostrich or if I should just let them go and fight it out.  I know I dislike conflict but what I dislike most is the way these fights start when we have a nice dinner or are spending time with family.  The fights are bizarre; one has parked in the way of another or one has chosen to listen to music while getting ready.   I often just want them to stop the stupid arguments and they simply won't.   

I'm asking really if I'm being inflict avoidant or they simply need to be left to.their misery.

[square]

One thing I wonder is if it is "them" engaging in conflict, or if it is just one of them trying to control another person and the other person refusing to capitulate?

Perhaps that person is JADEing rather than keeping their self control gracefully.

But if the conflict stems from one-sided control attempts, your frustration at "their" pettyconflict plays well into the controller's hands by equating their attempts at control with the person attempting to retain their rights, coloring the latter attempts as "petty" as the control attempts.

[Cat of the Canals]

I consider myself fairly conflict avoidant, and I also absolutely loathe petty bickering, but I don't necessarily think the two are related.

The difference, in my opinion, is whether the conflict is functional. Sometimes people want different things, and there's going to be some back and forth to determine a solution. Maybe things get heated. It makes me wildly uncomfortable, but I understand that there is a point.

On the other hand, if one person is griping and nitpicking another person out of sheer mean-spiritedness or (as square mentioned) the desire for control, and often ruining what was otherwise a nice time for everyone else... well who would want to be around that? Sounds like a terrible time. (Actually it sounds like being around my parents, which also happens to be a terrible time.)

I also think there's a spot in the middle where the two scenarios cross -- perhaps the conflict is warranted but the scale is way off. In your example of one person parking in the way of another, there's some function to the conflict: Person A needs Person B to move their car. Of course, the simplest solution would be to either politely ask them to move or move the car themselves, but my guess is Person A comes in already at a 10 on the Anger Scale, screaming about how Person B is going to make them late, why are they so inconsiderate, etc. etc. And naturally Person B is going to respond in kind, and now two people are screaming at one another over something very small and silly. Again, I think most people would find this distasteful/annoying.

Therefore, if the choice of conclusions is between you being conflict avoidant or them being miserable, my vote is on the latter.