is it really me who's the problem?

[Pheonix]

I think (and my therapist agrees, although he is not diagnosed by a psychiatrist) that my husband suffers from covert NPD. He now says that's exactly what I am - no question. How do I know or tell?

[Call Me Cordelia]

Well, based on only this little snippet, projection would be an entirely predictable response of someone with NPD. Maybe in future keep your therapist's thought on his pathology to yourself. It generally doesn't go well, given the nature of the disorder.

Welcome, and do check out the toolbox section of the website. Particularly the 100 traits. Projection is listed there. And if your therapist is right, many other patterns you will recognize.

[moglow]

Maybe in future keep your therapist's thought on his pathology to yourself. It generally doesn't go well, given the nature of the disorder.

  And I'd probably keep discussions with the therapist just between us, not share them with husband at all. But maybe that's just me.

Welcome to our little corner! Settle in and share more as and when you're able.

[Pheonix]

Thank you for your replies...I'm very happy to have found this group. I will post more later. I didn't share the label with him - we share a computer and I belong to a support facebook group called 'Healing from Covert Passive Aggressive Narcism' (CPAN). I think that's where he saw the term although I don't know for sure. I don't use that computer any more!

[SafireJem]

It sounds like projection.