Here we go round the mulberry bush, again.

[Boat Babe]

Last Tuesday night uBPD mum was again rushed to hospital and I jumped in my car and drove the 100 miles to her city. On my arrival she was not conscious but the next morning when I returned to the hospital I got the Full Metal Waif treatment (hat tip to WI) Not "I am so glad to see you" or "Thank you for coming straight down" (driving 100 miles at night when I am 66 isn't a piece of cake) but "Whyyyyyyy don't you live closer?" "Who is going to look after me?"  This was in the first 30 seconds.

Anyway, I stayed all day with her and went back to sleep in her apartment (very close to the hospital) and came down with the most monumental cold the next day. Three days in bed, barely able to move - luckily in a city so food delivery was an option. Went back to hospital (all masked up) as soon as I was able to move and she had started a feud with the lady in the next bed whilst love bombing the one opposite  Such a delight!

I now have to re-arrange a load of stuff again because after the last big health incident I set up a care plan for her with the local authority. She had carers in for about three weeks and then cancelled the plan because "They're not like us you know" aka as Black, and "They didn't clean in the corners".  It's so frustrating and I am deep in Obligation right now because that's the family narrative and part of me wishes she had just dropped dead. I also feel terribly sorry for her. Send hugs !

[moglow]

I haven't any thoughts, just sending  strength and the courage of lions! Her complaints about carers? In one ear and out the other. That sounds incredibly petty and I'd want no part of it.

Hope you're MUCH better and able to dust off the obligations!

[NarcKiddo]

Ugh. Sending hugs. I do not envy you any of that. Stay strong. Do NOT let her back in your place.

[wisingup]

I'm sorry BoatBabe - the lack of awareness is still stunning, each time it happens.  Wishing you some peace soon and sending hugs.

[Call Me Cordelia]

If she's going to self-sabotage and fire the folks that wipe her butt, that is 100% her stupid choice. That doesn't mean you have to take up the TP or even find someone else to do it. She can deal with her own sh*t, on every level.

[moglow]

Here's my take on it fwiw - if she actually needs help, she doesn't get to discount the help she's offered. They're doing what they are there to do, she needs to get out of her own way and let them do it. Cleaning her corners, behind the fridge and that oh-so-special collection in the curio cabinet no one has opened since 1993 aren't on offer. They make housekeeping companies for that, she can hire one or you can hire them on her behalf. Mine has told one of my cousins several times that if I "was any kind of a daughter" I'd go clean her house. Hell. Naw. [she said in her best Sophia "the Color Purple" voice] I didn't clean it to her satisfaction when I was growing up in said house, and I can guarantee I wouldn't roll over for her abuse now.

Short version: If she can't do the little things and they don't, it doesn't get done for now. The world will survive. She either needs the help or she does not. She gets to decide whether her corners are that important.

[bloomie]

Boat Babe just getting caught up with the latest with your mom. I do wonder if there is a script for these elderly, entitled, waify ladies? A class they all took or some cultural phenomenon that they all subscribed to.. alien invasion when they were in the cradle that would explain the exact same behaviors and course of their lives???

Adding another voice of support and sending you strength as you determine what is yours to do in all of this.

[Sneezy]

I do wonder if there is a script for these elderly, entitled, waify ladies?

What a perfect description - elderly, entitled, and waify.  They are just exhausting, aren't they?

BoatBabe - I agree with what others have said.  If your mom needs help, then she needs to accept the help in the form that it is given.  If she doesn't like the way the help is being provided, then she can figure out how to get different help (i.e. someone who cleans in the corners) and she can pay for the additional help.

Take care of yourself - you are going above and beyond for your mom, and it's infuriating that she doesn't see this.  Hugs to you!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Did you mean to make that acronym? Elderly, entitled, and waify... EEW. Bad daughter! 

[olivegirl]

My Bpd Queen/Witch Mother had the audacity to exclaim: "Who is gonna be responsible for us?"  Referring to both she and my Bpd/Aspd Father.

I never felt so much anxiety, rage, panic and repulsion in my life!

For the sake of my mental health and to protect my marriage, I had to go No Contact because my Aging parents are quite parasitic.

Stay strong!  Boundaries are my best friend.