Feeling the feels

[losingmyself]

I'm not sure where to put this, so I'll share here.
Firstly, I hope everyone had the best Thanksgiving,  and had much to be thankful for. I know that I do.
My kids and I spent the holiday at my sister and brother in law's home, it was a great time. It was also my birthday!
Unfortunately,  later in the day, the kids were getting ready to go visit their paternal grandmother and their F, she lives in the same town as my S. When DD called to make sure it was a good time to go, their F told them that Grandma had died. He found her when he went to visit that day.  Very sad. She was a wonderful woman, I can't say enough good things about her.
That evening,  alone in my home,  I was reflecting that  DS and DD and I were able to cry and feel the pain of losing a great part of our (my past) family, without having to edit ourselves. XPDH would have made fun of me, and accused me of wanting to go back to the kid's F, because why else would I be sad?? He'd have complained that they overreacted,  etc etc. You know the words...
We're all sad, and we're going to emote that sadness, and it's ok, good really.
I told the kids that if they need anything at all, ask me, and I'll help as much as I can. And I will, and that feels nice.

On another subject,  but kinda the same, I went Christmas shopping yesterday,  and bought presents for the kids. It was so nice to get them what I wanted to without H over my shoulder complaining about how they don't deserve gifts because "What have they ever done for ME??"
Last holiday season I kept reminding myself that it was my last holiday with this PD family. It feels so good.
I was thinking that this is my first holiday without XH. But I think a better way to say it is that this is Xh's first holiday without ME. His loss, not mine.

[SonofThunder]

Hi Losingmyself,

Thanksgiving was a calm sunny day spent alone, which is perfect in my book!  So sorry you and the fam lost a wonderful person in your lives. In my past experience, that kind of news travels very quickly in family relationship circles.  Was it odd, since you wrote "later in the day" and based on the paternal family structure, that no one on that side of the family had communicated that news to DD and DS prior in the day? (Assuming the timing was not very close together). 

The rest of your post is positive revelations and so glad you are finding joy in your freedom!  Yay!

All the best,

SoT

[losingmyself]

Later in the day might not have been accurate.  It was mid afternoon. I think XH had just gone there shortly before and other members who would have connected with her had not done so yet. She lives alone,  and XH is her only child who lives close by.
Thank you for your condolences.

[SonofThunder]

Later in the day might not have been accurate.  It was mid afternoon. I think XH had just gone there shortly before and other members who would have connected with her had not done so yet. She lives alone,  and XH is her only child who lives close by.
Thank you for your condolences.

[losingmyself]

I didn't feel like it was my place to ask questions about timelines. But I wonder if the delay in talking to the kids was because their F called 911, and wanted her to be taken before the kids came over, to protect them from having to see that.
On a more positive note, my first XH's S told DD to let me know that I am loved by her family.  That made me cry, because I didn't know how I was going to be received at the funeral. We were good friends before I divorced her brother, and she hasn't spoken to me since. I have missed her, and our phone visits. I always stayed close to their Mother, though.  She was a lovely person.