Harassment campaign

[RiverPurl]

I can't even stomach writing the details of this any more.

About 9 years ago when both me and my sister were living at home, I had an arguement with her one night.  It was basically weeks if a long and stressful period for me and stress coming up to Christmas and it came out the wrong way one night to her.

I thought about it the next day and thought I will apologise when I get home but I was working late and it was too late by the time I got home. I was working all day and I was too tired to address it.

By the next day, I was in work and I was getting abusive messages from my sister and she was threatening me and putting my belongings into bin bags and dumping them at the front door.  It wasn't even her home to do that. I never had the chance to go and defend myself or my belongings.

If that was the other way around I would be able to reflect and see that the other person had a bad run of things with long hours and I would be able to empathise.  That night I was still working late.  At that stage, this will have to wait til I am free at the weekend.  I know many people would argue all it takes is a minute but honestly going from bed to work and back to bed again, that minute wasn't there.

By the time I got around to apologising, she had a wall built up around herself. She was ignoring me and she was not only giving me the silent treatment but she was intimating me around the home by standing in doorways, in front of cupboards and fridge in the kitchen, by occupanying the one bathroom at the worst times. 

I was genuinely sorry and I remember making a peace offering to her that she ignored.

By the end of the Christmas holidays, she caught me on my own in the kitchen and started shouting for a knife and ordered me to empty my handbag in front of her to show her that I didn't have her knife.  She had me on my knees crying while she towered over me and then said something - oh look, I guess I am wrong, sorry about that, see I know how to apologise unlike you.

There was something about that night where I saw crazy in her.

She maintained that tone with me for months.  She did approach me in the January and said this is ridiculous and I agreed with her that night and then I made a huge mistake which I didn't realise at the time by saying I'm tired.  It was late and I was working all day and I was tired.   Big mistake - she took that as a dismissal.  It wasn't a dismissal.  I was tired. 

That was 9 years.  She is still in that mode and tone.

During the months that followed I got bad messages from her.
"I will make you pay....I cleaned the toilet with your toothbrush last Christmas....you are dead to me". These were the ones I remember amongst other insults and mockery and her raising old arguements against me.

I decided that there was nothing I could say to fix this and I didn't respond eventually changing my number. It didn't do anything because she turned down the route of fake profiles on Facebook and messagner.

She was at her worst in 2018.  She fell out with others in the family from 2017 and she was beginning to lash out to them too and revenge them and revenge us all.

By that stage I was going to the cops to log this abuse and harassment.  They didn't want to know because she wasn't phyically violent to me. They said it was a civil matter.   I didn't have the means to take the civil route.

She she continued.

We haven't seen each other in years.  We are estranged physically but she will not stop electronic communications.  Her current method is emails because she likely got sick of setting up faking profiles all the time.

Her communications is twisted - it's insults and demands for explainatations and apologies and raising stuff that had nothing to do with us falling out together. Eventually dishing out unwritten threats - 'we'll see now what x thinks about you' referring to my employer.  She's been targeting my employer since 2017.  She twisted her tales and said I was contacting her employer and that was wrong. It me over two years of her filthy revenges, ignored by the police, to find her employer but I never said anything to her employer and I only let her know that I know where she works and I guess it was an unwritten threat to back off and leave me alone. 

If I am so bad to her, according to everything she writes, she is free to live her life.

I am not able to provide samples of her emails and screenshots here but she is sick and twisted and obsessed with me.

The harassment and that's what it is, it's not consistent. It's once every few weeks she will start it up again and sometimes when she starts it can go on for weeks at a time even though she's only ranting to herself.  I am not responding to her. She is being completely ignored. I know by her tone and words that she doesn't want to make amends with me.  She just wants to control me to give into her maybe she thinks her feelings will be fixed. 


I was going along nicely for weeks and then bam out of nowhere she hits again - ranting over and over and over blowing up my inbox.  I have her emails filtered into its own folder but still the number climbs higher.  I don't need to read them but I know her generally tone and attitude.   

She's someone who's not really willing to meet me half way.  She's not really interested in repairing the relationship.  I get a sense it's about control from her to fix her feelings and emotions. 

What's scary is that we haven't seen each other in years but she is still fixated on me. Completely obsessed.  She is still obsessed at revenging me and trying to hurt me.

If I did something illegal I would ah e a sentence applied to me but for this to still go on, it's never ending.

[RiverPurl]

The timing of the new round of abusive messages from her made on Christmas Day and continued even though I didn't engage with her.

Either she's extremely lonely and she has some nostalgic feelings about Christmas and she's lashing out.

Or

She's trying to dump all over whatever joy and happiness that I have.

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. From the description of your sister's behavior, I wonder whether she has a mental illness. (If yes, that would be a reason, not an excuse.) Regardless of the reason for her behavior, I suggest that you contact a lawyer or a low- or no-cost legal services provider and ask for advice about protecting yourself from your sister's behavior.

[RiverPurl]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. From the description of your sister's behavior, I wonder whether she has a mental illness. (If yes, that would be a reason, not an excuse.) Regardless of the reason for her behavior, I suggest that you contact a lawyer or a low- or no-cost legal services provider and ask for advice about protecting yourself from your sister's behavior.

She wasn't ever diagnosised with a mental illness when she was at home.  I am not qualified to say but I think there is something there.

There is a long term fixation on me.  Even when we haven't seen each other in years her focus is still on me.

The communications from her is all anger.  Reading between the lines she wants me to engage with her but she's not looking for a reconciliation.  She's not looking for friendship.  It's control.  She wants to control me because maybe she feels a particular response from me will fix her feelings.

If I was to talk about my feelings and the way I feel, she would write it all off.  I haven't talked about my feelings to her because she would trash me up.  My feelings don't matter to her.  The only thing that matters to her is her own feelings no matter what.

It's humiliation. She wants me to open up to her while she insults every fiber of my being.

The law changed recently in my home country and I am waiting on a response back from an organisation that helps with stalking and harassment so that I can go down the route of a protection order.  For a long time they were only available for domestic violence situations but more people have been brought into the net as to who can seek a protection order.

For now it's just waiting it out some more til I can get help.

I am so sick of all of this.  She's been doing this since 2016 to me.  Every so often, raising her head and lashing out a hate and harassment campaign.  Everything from her is an interrogation with demands toe tell her this and tell her that and explain and apologise and she built up a huge ugly story about me being a psychopath and she must behave like a samaritan warning people on me. Without telling telling the real proper story - all the insults and abuse from her.  There's a reason I am not replying to her because I can't.  The taunting from her.  Nothing will ever be fixed with this.
The wording she's using.  The points she's making many had nothing to do with our the falling out.  It's humiliation.  She wants to humiliate me.

She is never getting bored of me and it's worse she is getting. She's despespate for me to respond to her but I am not.

Even one of her emails is saying that I am punishing her with my silence.  That is not my aim or intention. The woman is not open whatsoever in reconcilation.  She's looking to control me to fix her feelings and ego. She got many of the events from the past twisted up too.

[Poison Ivy]

It seems as though you're trying to understand your sister's irrational, harmful behavior. I understand the desire to understand, but understanding, even if possible (which I don't think it is), would not change the behavior. That's why I encourage that you focus on protecting yourself.

[SeaBreeze]

RiverPurl,

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this behavior from your sister for several years now. I agree with Poison Ivy that she sounds mentally disturbed.

I've been harassed online and cyberstalked by a few PD's in my life; I have also witnessed my DD get harassed by a member of my first uNPDh's family, a cousin who sounds very similar to your sister. I encourage you to Google "cyberstalking laws (insert your state or country of residence here)" and see what protections and resources are available to you as far as the online harassment is concerned. You may still be able to file a police report, even if you're unable to press charges, so there is at least a record of incidents. You may also be able to get a protective order or restraining order, which won't necessarily stop her harassment but will give you better legal recourse when she does.

Please stay safe, and indulge in some self-care to relieve stress from the PD shenanigans.