Christmas grief

[Marianne]

In short: my kid lives with my dad, because I have c-ptsd. This trauma was originally caused by dad, mum and a few others. Sick situation. But not one I can change. Kid sees me three days a week. I try to get along with dad for the sake of kid. Mum died. I quit contact with my brothers because they were used as a weapon (triangulation). And unwilling to hear my side. Ever. Scapegoating dynamics since childhood.

Anyway.

- I called dad to discuss the holidays. Well in advance.
- Dad was avoidant...he did not know yet. He said.
- I called dad again later. He announced him and my brothers + sil had decided to spent Christmas with all of them. And my kid. And not me.  
- I stood up to him and said my kid will be with me, this christmas. You are welcome. But my kid is with me.
- Dad and brothers then changed their plans to celebrate the second day of christmas with all of them and my kid and not me.
- I was blamed. Dad said I was a very difficult person, to make them change all their plans. And not discuss things, but demand to have my way.
- I asked him whether that could be a response to planning christmas without me. And whether he thought it normal to plan Christmas with everyone plus my kid, and not me. He said yes. Why not.

So they plan Christmas with all the family and my kid...and not me...and I am blamed for being difficult again. Because I want to spend Christmas with my own kid...

To the outside world, my dad is the hero who cares for my kid, because I miracuously fell ill. And I the villain, for being scared and angry and ungrateful. I cannot have this anymore. It's these small stabs...always and always...and over the head of my kid...who's been drawn into the family by now.

Need some comfort this christmas, if you will. Needed to vent. It's lonely. He already talked to all the family, who believe his stories.

[Marianne]

Sorry for complaining. I felt a sad. And fed up.

[Cat of the Canals]

I would be pretty angry if my entire family had scheduled a celebration with my child and not me. No need to apologize! The holidays are always rough with PDs in the family.

[Marianne]

Thanks...

It's just frustrating. The outside world thinks they are so very lovely. And I the problem, because I became ill (by their abuse). But this attitude...it hurts. More so because they have taken my kid. And mh and cps services look away. They never see the way they hurt us like this...because it is not a "black eye and broken bones" way of abuse.

[NarcKiddo]

The outside world thinks they are so very lovely.

I am familiar with that state of affairs. It is indeed frustrating. I can totally see why you wanted to complain. Nobody here minds that. We all get it.

[Sneezy]

I'm so sorry, Marianne - I hope you find a time to spend with your child and celebrate the season together.  It doesn't have to be exactly on December 25.  Who cares what the calendar says.  It's your Christmas spirit that matters, and finding time to share that spirit with your child.  Make a special time for the two of you when and how you can.  That's what your child will remember - that you took the time and made it special, regardless of what number was on the calendar that day.

[Marianne]

Thanks guys.