Optimistic update

[Stepping lightly]

Hi all,

It's been awhile since I've posted, so I guess I can say things have been relatively quiet.  We are approaching the end of custody, which is unbelievable.  We always feared what our relationship with the kids would look like at this point.  If you don't know our story, I can summarize to say all decks were stacked against DH, and for years we were terrified of losing the kids. 

DSD is now in college. Something happened with her/BM and that relationship seems to be low contact at best.  DSD does not see BM when she visits from college.  DSD was the golden child for a long time, and very aligned with her mother.  She acknowledges that based on her childhood, she has no idea who SHE is, but she is working on it.  She definitely seems to be dealing with some demons, but I can't be happier than when she calls her Dad and they chat away for 4 hours!

DSS is still under the CO, but is making plans for after HS. Based on his plans, we are very reassured that he will be spending much more time with us. He has been the scapegoat for so long, he definitely works to stay under the radar with BM.  We have been able to become so much closer with DSS, and it's a joy to watch him and DH crack each other up. He has learned to trust his Dad, regardless of all the awful things BM has said. It has been much more effortless to help him navigate some of the situations he runs into with BM because we can talk more honestly (but still aleays respectfully).   I know he has some demons too, but I hope he also works through them to have an amazing life. 

So..  it can turn out ok...it may not look like we imagined, but sometimes that is a blessing. 

[bloomie]

Stepping lightly - hi there! Thank you for coming back and giving us an update! What an encouragement to stay the course with the kids and trust that your respectful treatment of them and their mother will pay off and be a stark contrast to what they are experiencing when they are with her.

I couldn't help but think how grateful I am that those young adults have their dad and you as they work through the ripple effect of life with a disordered mother.

Well done!! 

[Penny Lane]

I LOVE THIS FOR YOU! You guys have been through so much and those kids really deserve a happy ending. Thank you so much for sharing some hope with those of us in the trenches.

[Associate of Daniel]

SL, your post is a huge encouragement to those in similar situations.  Congrats on staying the course and getting DSD and DSS through.

And thanks for being a good step mum.  My experience with my ds's uNPD smother is not good, so I'm glad to know there are good ones out there!

AOD

[verum71]

That is great news!  Thanks for sharing.