Married for decades

[Queenfrog]

Greetings to all. I am here because I recently discovered there's this thing called OCPD and it seems to describe my spouse perfectly. I knew about this person's OCD, verbal abuse, controlling nature, and so on. I knew he had developed an unhealthy focus on me and my imperfections. Now I have a framework for how to cope with all this. I find that writing about it helps, even if all I do sometimes is vent.

I am going through a challenging time dealing with two dementia-suffering parents, one of whom went into hospice care a couple of days ago. My uOCPDh (right?) hates my parents, hates it when I visit them, and is mostly providing the opposite of emotional support.

My spouse and I have been together for over 35 years. We share a small apartment. I work full time and have local family. He is much older than I am and hasn't worked (or done much of anything else) outside the home for over 25 years. He does all the homemaking, including groceries and meals, and manages our finances.

I'm that paradoxical woman who has a high-powered professional life yet has tolerated being dominated and verbally abused at home. My progression Out of the FOG has been going on for many years and I guess it will continue indefinitely. The skills I have learned from reading about OCPD have already improved things after only a short time. My favorite is the JADE concept. I didn't realize how much of my speech and thought was given over to justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining myself until I learned this concept and started to be mindful of it. No more!

Thanks for being here.

[xredshoesx]

welcome queenfrog,

I am sorry that your marriage situation bought you here.  you will find understanding, compassion and support here as you work on ways of better protecting yourself from your husband's moods/behaviors.  my heart goes out to you as you navigate this trying time with your parents in hospice.  even in the best of relationships that's a very stressful thing to prepare for and process to go through as you are grieving but also responsible for the caretaking of them too.

when you are ready to share more, we're listening.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome Queenfrog! You are amongst people who understand and had similar experiences. When I discovered JADE and medium chill, my home life became so much calmer. This in turn gave me the energy to regain some clarity of thought. Slowly I became stronger and was no longer willing to allow myself being abused.

I am so glad you are joining us on this journey. See you around on the boards!

[Queenfrog]

Hi, folks - Just dropping back onto the Welcome Mat to say that I'm still here, still reading the forum, and feeling sad today. I have a ton of work to do in my marriage. I'm constantly struggling against part of me that's saying it's too late and too difficult to make any meaningful change without causing serious trauma to both of us. I've already wasted half my life in the FOG, not living a full life. Now we are senior citizens. Sometimes I just feel sadness and regret. Especially when I'm tired, like today. I know I need to do a better job of taking care of myself, but it all feels like work. If I'm whining right now, so be it. That's all for now. Thanks for being here.

[Rebel13]

Some days are like that! I hope you can feel a little more hopeful or content soon.

[TurnThePage]

Hello Queenfrog and Welcome

You are definitely among people who understand what you are dealing with.  Vent away...I feel it helps.  36 years married to BPDH and use to feel much like you...I wasted my life.  But...you can't go back and change that ... The only thing you can do is change yourself now and the way your deal with your spouse and how you live out the rest of your life.