NC but GC sister will not leave me alone, sort of feel stalked

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I do not know why GC sibling will not leave me alone. I went NC with her over six years ago. I blocked her on all forms of communication. 

Parents are now elderly with health issues. I figured when they died, she would be the first to know. A few times in the last six years, I unblocked her from my phone when I became convinced one of my parents was near death. Each time within one week, I got a text from her. It was never about the health of our parents though. Instead, her messages were shaming and guilting about me "abandoning the family". I never replied and just re-blocked her. Each time I found it strange that she texted so quickly after being unblocked. It made me think she was routinely sending texts as some type of outlet for anger, resentment, etc. 

In those six years of NC, there were two occasions she approached me in a public place "just to say hello". I never saw her, but she somehow found me. I thought her unwelcomed approaches were aggressive. One time, her husband was with her and he demanded an apology from me on the spot or said he "was going to drive over to my house and knock the door down." I had just sat down in a restaurant for dinner, and instead of engaging I walked out.
     
A few months ago, parents living conditions became such that they needed to move to assisted living. For roughly six weeks, I engaged in limited contact about their move. I feel like it reignited her hatred of me, or maybe it just exposed what was always there. I would at times block her to take a break from her, but upon unblocking her I would get a text from her within an hour. Sometimes it would be three times a day. There was no urgency. She just seemed to be relentlessly trying to contact me or get me to respond. I found it creepy. 
   
During our last dialog, we discussed the need to sell our parent's house. I found her to be overly critical of my opinions, and realized my episode of contact with her was over. I told her it seemed like she wanted to do it on her own. She responded by telling me she did not need me for anything. She said I had been useless. She brought my husband into it stating he had not been any help either and then went further saying he meant nothing to her. (I had purposely kept my husband out of this disaster for obvious reasons.) I almost laughed at how ridiculous I found it, but I believe this was her raging and attacking me. I calmly told her she was on her own, said good luck, goodbye and hung up. 
                 
I took a deep breath to calm myself, then saw a text from her claiming all she meant was that she wanted teamwork. It was her gaslighting and failing to own hurtful behaviors. I did not reply and quickly re-blocked her. I realized I made a huge mistake allowing any level of contact with her. That was a couple months ago.       
         
Since then, as she cannot get through to me, she triangulates with staff at the assisted living who call me at least once a week stating my sister asked them to call to give me "an update" on some minor situation. I never call them back. I also got two calls from an estate planning attorney asking for me to hand over all original paperwork I might be holding because he met with my sister and parents at the AL and just updated their POA, Will and Estate Plan. My sister revised everything. We were both POA, but he said my name had been removed as POA and it was now just my sister. I mostly assumed I could be written out of everything, and maybe I just was. I never engaged with any of this. The good thing is that now I know no one has a reason to contact me for anything. 
                   
Still, it goes on. Just yesterday I saw a vehicle stop in the street in front of my house and a lady got out and dropped a box on my front porch. I realized it was my sister. She just stopped her car in the middle of the street, and if another car had driven by, they would have had to wait until she moved. It seemed careless to me. The box however just contained old photos of my wedding which I already had, and it did not seem worth her effort. I think she just wanted to make her presence still known. I did not like her on my property though, and I get the creeps thinking that she would assume her advances would be welcomed.   
             
I have talked to a lawyer about getting a PPO or a cease and desist order for her to stop all forms of contact with me. What prevents me is that I am unsure there is a clear threat to meet the requirements, and I do not want to escalate matters. I believe she would take this as a signal to "fight" and she would love the opportunity to take this further. I just want her to go away. 
       
My apologies for the long post. I wonder, is this "normal" behavior from someone with a PD? Is this at all over the top? My default stance is to keep carrying on with my good life, stay non-reactive, and remain NC. This circus is hers, not mine.       
    
Thank you.

[Rebel13]

Hi Blueberry Pancakes,

I just wanted to say, kudos to you for how hard you've worked to maintain your boundaries so far! Your sister's behavior has nothing to do with you. I'm sure you know that, but just in case. Sometimes it's nice to get outside validation.

I don't have much advice, as my family seems to prefer avoidance and abandonment rather than forcing interactions (either that, or I am that "broken coffeemaker" they just don't need anymore). But I think you are handling the situation just fine, and the fact that you have managed to remove yourself from so many interactions is quite amazing to me. I think I would be pulled by guilt into some kind of role helping my parents. However, I can also see how impossible your sister is making that for you, with her over-the-top behavior.

Please keep taking care of yourself and your husband and putting your safety first! Best of luck with all of this.

[LemonLime]

Blueberry, I've been spared this overt type of behavior from my own uPD sib.  However, I know that PDs despise being ignored.  So I think this is pretty "normal" behavior from a PD.

I wish it weren't, and I wish you didn't have to go through this.
Keep going, you're doing great.

[bloomie]

Blueberry Pancakes - as I began reading this latest I immediately thought of the restaurant incident.    It seems absolutely nothing has changed!

All that you describe is eerily similar to what Dh and I experienced with uPdsil during the years of managing elderly in laws' needs. I was NC and DH was vlc and Sil found ways to force contact and dominate any and every minor situation or decision.

The energy and creativity in forcing and triangulating is kind of astonishing. She refused to be ignored until she finally got the pay off she had been waiting for and talking about since the first few encounters I ever had with her.

I am impressed with your resolve to stay NC with such toxic behaviors. And, if the legal aspects have indeed been shifted to your sister... yippee! As you say, you are free to ignore, ignore, ignore.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thank you, Rebel, LemonLime and Bloomie.

Your responses saying I am handling this alright is a huge comfort. Mostly I feel as though I am walking alone through a hot, dry desert with only a small compass.

I figured her behaviors were PD typical, but for one who does not have a PD, I think it is among the worst one could do. Even though I do not engage, I still have been exposed to the dynamics and processed what has occurred even in my absence.

Anyway, saying that I am handling it well is the best thing I could hear. Thank you.

[walking on broken glass]

Hello Blueberry Pancakes!

I am really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like an impossible situation and you are handling it really well. From my personal experience I can say that PDs can be very persistent, and ignoring them does not discourage them or make them go away; quite the opposite unfortunately. It's like a challenge to see how far they can test your limits. Keep doing what you are doing and eventually she will give up, if she realises there is no drama to insert herself in. Sending hugs

[mary_poppins]

Hey, Blueberry Pancakes.

No, this is not normal behavior. No stalking behavior is normal. Stalkers have issues with boundaries and don't think of the other person as a human being but as an object. Yes, you can write that cease and desist letter if you want to. You are entitled to your own privacy, to your space, to freedom, to a calm and happy life. Your sister doesn't think you deserve this.

But I also see that your sister is dependent on you emotionally. She needs you to fill in the family role. She doesn't feel capable of fulfilling her own dysfunctional role alone. I know because my brother used to do this when I went NC for a few years. He'd keep sending me emails, very dramatic ones. Very manipulative, meant to break my will. These siblings need us but not for love and support. They need us to fulfill the dysfunctional role, the job of being a part of a toxic system.

Think about it, if you're out of the picture, your sister needs to fill in your shoes and maybe become a scapegoat to your mother/father. Or maybe she'll need to maintain the peace or mend the wounds that your NC created (those 'wounds' are self-inflicted because we didn't cause no contact-they did!).

Also, just because she says I don't need you or You're useless, doesn't mean she doesn't need you. It might actually be that she needs you too much. I am glad you blocked her. Your intuition knows you should cut ties with her for she is not a good presence in your life.