Sister Betrayal

[EmmySue]

I've had a long a tumultuous relationship with my sister.  The story is long with many peaks and valleys so I will stick to the most current issues.  My sister has a pattern of getting angry with me for some perceived slight and then punishing me for months of not speaking to me.  Example 1. I have a loving relationship with her adult 40+ year old daughter who I have know since the day she was born.  My sister and this daughter are somewhat estranged for a lot of reasons but the claim is that each doesn't like the other's husband.  My niece expressed an interest in a community that I am a part of and attended a gathering.  When my sister found out she was livid berated her daughter and me and her claim was that we kept it a secret from her.  She didn't speak to me for months.  Example 2:  Most recently she interfered with a legal petetition I filed to be added as a conservator for my two grandsons.  Their mother, my daughter, passed away from breat cancer 4 years ago.  Since then, and even while she will still here but sick, I have had a big role in caring for these boys. After her passing my son-in-law and I had a complex scheule of co-parenting the boys with the large part of the responsibility on me.  In the fall of last year my son-in-law had a stroke.  I've had the children full time since then.  I filed this petition because he is not fully able to understand the needs of the boys and his mother who has been caring for him and essentially running the show, has been uncooperative to put it mildly about having conversations about caring for the boys. Including threats to remove them from my care to help care for the dad and maybe I could see them on the weekends. My sister's husband advised my son-in-law not to attend mediation then subsequently helped him hire her attorney. 

[bloomie]

EmmySue - I am really glad you reached out for support and encouragement. What a lot you and your family have been through. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter and for the medical difficulties your son in law is experiencing. I am so grateful you have been a rock for your grandsons.

Reading through just the bit that you shared all I could think about was your care for, and petitioning conservatorship for, your grandsons is absolutely none of your sister, or her husband's business. You know what else is none of your sisters business? How her grown daughter chooses to spend her time and who she chooses to spend it with. 

Your sister and her husband overstepped. Waaaayyyy overstepped. You know what some of us call the silent treatment from a nosey, punitive, interfering, high conflict person? The Silent Treat. 

We come here to Out of the FOG to begin to shift our focus to what we can control, change, cure. Which is always and only us. We shift away from the inexplicable betrayals like this and to looking at how we can move toward healing, peace, and healthy boundaries that we live out protecting ourselves and the people we love to the best of our ability.

Figuring out what may provide an entry way for this kind of drama and interference and where information pathways can be shut down is a great jumping in place. I imagine you have a lot to process and think through and am thankful you have a community here who understands and who will support you.

Looking forward to seeing you out there on the boards!

[EmmySue]

Bloomie - Thank you so much for your feedback.  It really resonates with me.  What's bothering me today is how this is going to be another hurt for the boys.  Are we not going to be able to participate in family events going forward.  I am one of 7 siblings 2 of my brothers, the ones closest in age to me, have passed away. I have two sisters and two brothers left.  My sisters and I live in very close proximity to each other and historically on and off I have been close with each separately and sometimes all together.  I feel like others will choose my offending sister rather than draw her offending behavioro to them.  i know we all were wounded in different ways growing up that are still in play. I've done a lot of work trying to transcend childhood trauma.  The rest of them live in the fantasy that everything was fine. Which is easy to believe because we all have been very successful by cultural standars, especially the boys.