Processing anger at their lying

[Invisiblewoman]

I talked a bit about the emotional abuse, and lowest depths my family members have reached that basically put me in a stage of complete no contact, with no chance of returning.

I feel guilty. I feel like I am being harsh.

I mentioned how I was threatened with "harassment" for pointing out a lie, and how hypocritical they seemed because they had basically already harassed me with telling extremely toxic and hurtful lies.

I can't really charge them although they potentially gave out my personal info in a way that could do harm.

I do not fear them if they lash out which is good.


A part of me doesn't care. But a part of me is angry at them for putting me in a vulnerable situation where they thought they could manipulate me.


A part of me is proud for standing my ground and following my instincts and getting the right information.

A part of me is worried that if I talk about the hurt it will put me in a vulnerable place still. I opened up to a friend and I feel guilty because I am still hurting and that comes out.


I think there is a trauma I am still processing and I no longer blame one person's actions; I see it as a chain reaction of intergenerational trauma colliding. I see a lot of blame shifting and hypocrisy and deliberately stressing out a family member to make them out as crazy.

I no longer have anger at my mother. I've definitely got her sister on a no fly list for life but I just see a systematic failure of them knowing the real problem and then choosing to do nothing out of convenience, and to  dispossess their own shame.

[SonofThunder]

Hi Invisiblewoman,

Im sorry you are experience all the turmoil. You wrote:

"I feel guilty. I feel like I am being harsh."

My opinion is that us who are targets of a PD are either groomed to be a target (by the PD parent), or trait-selected by a PD (friend, dating, marriage) or both.  I am both.  I was groomed by my PDf and then trait selected by my stbxw.

I had to go NC with my PDf for a 6 month period because he was trying to interfere in my necessary separation for his own selfish motives.  Although necessary, I felt the harsh side of NC as you describe. PD's are masters at manipulating the drama triangle roles and script-flipping, so the perpetrator PD then flips roles to become the victim, assigning the innocent target the role of perpetrator. 

Therefore I believe the target-non becomes conditioned to feel the assignment of the harshness in the necessary self-protection.  By my understanding that the entire script is role-assigning by the PD, I comprehend why I feel the 'harsh', and so it becomes much easier for me to recognize the feelings and then sweep them to the curb, because they are incorrectly assigned. 

Think about all the other people you see around you in daily life.  You are technically NC with the vast majority of them, yet you do not feel 'harsh' about that lack of communication. You obviously cant communicate with everyone, so you select those whom you wish to communicate.  Therefore, lack of communication is not harsh in itself, but when the PD's use of the drama triangle for their own needs, forces the non to self-protect, the conditioned nonPD target experiences the 'harsh' feelings in the self-protection. 

I want to encourage you in mindfulness to recognize the arriving feelings of 'harsh' and tell those feelings that they have the wrong person, then sweep them to the curb.  In classic projection, the true perpetrator (the PD), sends those feeling your way in the role assignment.  The PD is really the owner of 'harsh', but they need the non-PD to host those feelings so the PD can get back home to victimhood. 

It's a hamster wheel type of cycle, designed by the PD.  Us targets getting off the wheel is difficult but necessary.  Keep up the good forward progress. 

Sweep-sweep!

SoT

[Invisiblewoman]

I feel like I am being harsh but I think considering their actions, I'm being smart in taking legal action if they cross the line with me. They have attempted to involve people in triangulations who have crossed lines abusively.

I think I am hungry for justice. I see right through all their bluffing when they threatened legal action.

I'm at a stage that if they try me they're never going to be able to try another.