Very confused

[Mojo]

[Mojo]

Not so happy that I started a relationship with an ex boyfriend from 30 years ago. I am married with two grown up children. He contacted me 6 years ago and I accepted the invitation to meet up.  One thing led to another and we needed up in a relationship together. It was relatively easy because I lived 100 kms away.
I always had a weird instinct that something was wrong. I (wrongly I know) checked his phone and found a text to another ex if his which said he wanted to be tucked up with her.
A second time and I found out that during Covid he started a relationship with another girl. This was while I was unable to travel and meet up with him.
3rd time. He sent a text to another ex and said if she was closer he would attempt to kiss her.
He always blamed me for my jealousy tantrums.
Now I don't know if I was actually spending time with a narc? 
My dad passed away in August of this year and the boyfriend dumped me due to one of my jealous rages a month before he passed away.  he says it was because he spotted my husbands car on my drive while he was visiting my father. But he has completely ghosted me since then. My husband and I are now separated but not divorced. Every time I discovered something in his phone he would blame me for looking rather than apologise for his behaviour. Since my fathers passing he has not wanted anything to do with me but hasn't blocked me and still replies to my messages and has allowed me to use his house key to get his car key which I am able to use.  Is he just being nice or what ?  He recently told a friend of mine that I got jealous when we once went on holiday together and he took a shine to the bar lady, took her photo and uploaded it to his watch. I asked why and he said it was a bit of fun.

[bloomie]

Hi Mojo - welcome to Out of the FOG. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your dad recently and that you are facing such confusing, mixed messages in this break up.

My best guess is that this ex boyfriend is keeping you unsettled and tied to him by giving you access to his home and responding to texts. It seems clear he has shown you he is not trustworthy.

As you settle in here make good use of the resources found at the drop down menu above and on other parts of the forum. When you are ready jump into the conversations taking place. A good starting point would be our sub forum for those who are separating and divorcing found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=8.0

Finding your way to truly ending contact with someone who is keeping you confused and unsure of yourself may be the first step in this journey to healing and rebuilding value for what you offer and what you are looking for in relationships.

Keep coming back and sharing. We are here to support you!