Does No Contact equal The Silent Treatment?

[JR]

To limit contact with IMO highly narcissistic golden child brother whom still comes around my vicinity at closer than i would like since at this moment not possible to completely go full No contact at this time, i've completely committed to not talk or acknowledge him since he has resurfaced in my life(like a bull in a china shop)rage fits, threatening behavior etc etc you all know the drill , and to keep toxic contact to the lowest limit as i can by not acknowledge his presence. Am i using this anti-narc tactic using what is called the silent treatment? as in the Narc tactic of cutting off contact? The thing is these people are so contrary,full of spite and dont want to deal with them on any level although as i said i cant completely exit the situation since im primary care taker of a parent(stroke patient and Narc also) possibly to the bitter end unfortunately, unless i completely throw the towel in on all this and let these people deal with their own issues. Is this not contact no talk, no interaction with a IMO NPD narc being childish or petty on my part? I do know that after all the abuse I've was on the receiving end Im not looking at these people as someone that will have an adult discussion or interaction with. Im tired of trying to make a relationship work with people who cannot respect anyone else's prerogative at all therefore i don't want their toxic interaction anymore.

[Rebel13]

Hi JR, there's some great explanation of no contact and especially the differences between NC and the silent treatment, in this article from the Toolbox on this site: https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/no-contact

It helped me a lot because I struggled with this too.

[firepoetry]

When the narc uses the silent treatment, they do so with the intention of manipulating or coercing someone to get what they want.

I found this statement, which I believe is central. "Disengaging with someone for a short time and then communicating afterward to resolve the conflict can be healthy. But it can become unhealthy when someone doesn't seek to resolve the conflict until they get what they want."

Of course, we all want something from a relationship, but healthy people negotiate and accept if the other person is unable / unwilling to compromise and we walk away.

A narcissist uses the silent treatment to make people feel an emotional absence, which is a punishment for the purpose of getting the other person to feel bad and give up whatever it is the narc wants of them.

When I think about me and my current healthy partner, we had lots of disagreements. We needed to take time away from each other, but we didn't stop caring. If one of us reached out to the other, the other responds, and we were able to agree to disagree. This is because we cared more about our relationship than changing the other person. We had an ideological difference of opinion, but at the root of trying to convince each other of our beliefs, was because we love each other, and we want each other to be safe and healthy people. But, we have different experiences that have shaped our worldview, and as a result, we make different decisions. We accept each other, though it was a process to get to that space.

Another example, is my Nex will argue in circular directions indefinitely. We cannot agree to disagree (I've tried). I must believe everything he wants me to believe, or he will tantrum, etc. We have a child together, so I am unable to go no contact. But, I try to keep my distance and keep communication to a minimum. I would give a total silent treatment if I could, but I do have to communicate with him about the child, though even that is something I've cut back on. (He's able to get most information on his own, but he doesn't bother. That's on him.) I don't talk to him because I know that he has disordered thinking, and I don't want to continue to allow him to cause me damage. I don't want anything from him. I don't want to change him. I would not give him more attention or treat him differently if he started treating me better, because I know it is all a ruse.

So, I think intention and purpose of outcome separate what the narcissist is doing with the silent treatment, and what non-narcs do with setting boundaries. Narcs do it as a tactic to manipulate and coerce someone to do something and then they reward them with their attention, and non-Narcs do it to preserve their sanity and mental health, and do not want the attention of the person they are setting a boundary with / giving silent treatment to.

[firepoetry]

Hi JR, there's some great explanation of no contact and especially the differences between NC and the silent treatment, in this article from the Toolbox on this site: https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/no-contact

It helped me a lot because I struggled with this too.

I love this website. It has so much good information. Thank you for sharing.

[JR]

Hi JR, there's some great explanation of no contact and especially the differences between NC and the silent treatment, in this article from the Toolbox on this site: https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/no-contact

It helped me a lot because I struggled with this too.

thanx for the heads up with the toolbox after reading it seems that how i am(have to) use a Do not Talk to, Do not acknowledge, No Contac version to keep myself sane(away from) interaction with a Narc in my presence(close contact) is to protect my sanity from damage, whereas the Narcs silent treatment is to inflict pain on a target for the purpose of some kind of retribution are two different things(i hope). I dont think that my version(to protect myself from further abuse by not interacting at all with a Toxic personality) is the same as the childish Narc version who uses it to inflict pain on targets.

[JR]

When the narc uses the silent treatment, they do so with the intention of manipulating or coercing someone to get what they want.

I found this statement, which I believe is central. "Disengaging with someone for a short time and then communicating afterward to resolve the conflict can be healthy. But it can become unhealthy when someone doesn't seek to resolve the conflict until they get what they want."

Of course, we all want something from a relationship, but healthy people negotiate and accept if the other person is unable / unwilling to compromise and we walk away.

A narcissist uses the silent treatment to make people feel an emotional absence, which is a punishment for the purpose of getting the other person to feel bad and give up whatever it is the narc wants of them.

When I think about me and my current healthy partner, we had lots of disagreements. We needed to take time away from each other, but we didn't stop caring. If one of us reached out to the other, the other responds, and we were able to agree to disagree. This is because we cared more about our relationship than changing the other person. We had an ideological difference of opinion, but at the root of trying to convince each other of our beliefs, was because we love each other, and we want each other to be safe and healthy people. But, we have different experiences that have shaped our worldview, and as a result, we make different decisions. We accept each other, though it was a process to get to that space.

Another example, is my Nex will argue in circular directions indefinitely. We cannot agree to disagree (I've tried). I must believe everything he wants me to believe, or he will tantrum, etc. We have a child together, so I am unable to go no contact. But, I try to keep my distance and keep communication to a minimum. I would give a total silent treatment if I could, but I do have to communicate with him about the child, though even that is something I've cut back on. (He's able to get most information on his own, but he doesn't bother. That's on him.) I don't talk to him because I know that he has disordered thinking, and I don't want to continue to allow him to cause me damage. I don't want anything from him. I don't want to change him. I would not give him more attention or treat him differently if he started treating me better, because I know it is all a ruse.

So, I think intention and purpose of outcome separate what the narcissist is doing with the silent treatment, and what non-narcs do with setting boundaries. Narcs do it as a tactic to manipulate and coerce someone to do something and then they reward them with their attention, and non-Narcs do it to preserve their sanity and mental health, and do not want the attention of the person they are setting a boundary with / giving silent treatment to.

  thanx all of this is totally true

[Cat of the Canals]

thanx for the heads up with the toolbox after reading it seems that how i am(have to) use a Do not Talk to, Do not acknowledge, No Contac version to keep myself sane(away from) interaction with a Narc in my presence(close contact) is to protect my sanity from damage, whereas the Narcs silent treatment is to inflict pain on a target for the purpose of some kind of retribution are two different things(i hope). I dont think that my version(to protect myself from further abuse by not interacting at all with a Toxic personality) is the same as the childish Narc version who uses it to inflict pain on targets.

Yep. The way I think of it is: Silent Treatment is used to punish others. No Contact is used to protect oneself.

[mary_poppins]

Silent treatment is a manipulation tactic done by narcissists/PDs to make you do something. This method is used to keep you hooked to them (them being silent makes you be more pleasing or pacifying towards them). It is a harmful, abusive tactic.
No contact is not a method is a BOUNDARY. You employ no contact to protect yourself from people who are dangerous to your mental health. It is not used to manipulate or make someone do something.