I'm consistently "hurting" her

[HowDidIGetHere]

So. According to my wife I'm constantly hurting her.

I'll walk by and accidently barely bump her, and she'll proclaim "ow, that really hurts!".

Or I'll she'll hand something to me and then claim I scratched her while taking it.

I'll get up off the couch, my knee will barely graze her and she'll moan and whimper.

This isn't all the time, but at least several times a week.

If I tell her I barely touched her, she'll get upset (or course).

Anyone else experience this? I'm assuming it's just another way for her to be the victim and/or make me feel bad.

[Queenfrog]

My PD spouse does this, though maybe not as extreme as your wife. We haven't slept in the same bed for decades because any unintentional touch brings this reaction so often. Like, if I hug him and accidentally poke him (gently) with my big toe at the same time there could be a meltdown. It's puzzling. He's decided I'm a complete klutz and not entirely safe to be near. I'm guessing it's a result of his need for total control of his surroundings. The diagnostic checklist for OCPD seems to fit; maybe it's related to his compulsive need for me to do everything perfectly, including sleeping or cuddling. And/or it's a PTSD thing. And/or I'm a little bit of a klutz. It hurts. And I'm sad for him.

This happens more when he's anxious or on edge about something. If this is new or recurring behavior from your wife, maybe there is something else going on??

 

[zad7242]

 Yes! I am new here, so I apologize for responding to a post this old, but this really resonated with me. Of course, in addition to the thousands of ways she says I hurt her emotionally on a daily basis, any kind of bump, scratch, or even kiss or cuddle, is made out to be terribly painful for her. Even during the birth of our last baby, she later was infuriated with how "I laid my whole body weight on her" while trying to put pressure on her lower back. I've also noticed that she exaggerates the force other people used on her like patting (slamming to her) on the back etc. I have been there when some these encounters have happened and know they weren't as dramatic as she later describes.

[NBRiverGuy]

Not physically, but I consistently "Rip her heart out and stomp on it" "Drive a dagger/spear/knife/other sharp object through her heart" "Destroy her" "Step all over her feelings and without thinking twice about it." These are the responses I get when I, for instance, don't give her enough recognition for drying the dishes. This happened on Sunday. I washed the dishes. She dried them and put them away and I "didn't even say thank you. You never notice when I do things around the house." I said, "Thank you for drying the dishes that I washed." I couldn't help it. That triggered an hours-long maelstrom of chaos.

[phlox]

My relationship has a similar physical space issue, but it's kind of the opposite of the PD getting hurt - my PDh seems to just prioritizes his own physicality over mine. He constantly steps on my feet or sits on my hand or scratches me when handing me something. I don't think he is deliberately trying to INJURE me, but I do think he is convinced that my physical being isn't worthy of respect and that I should move out of his way. He will also sit on my jacket, my glasses, or other belongings without a care in the world and act all righteous when I ask him to move himself.

I did an experiment once where I behaved a bit like that for two days - perfectly cheerful but clueless over his personal space. During the second day he got quite irritated and asked me when I had become such an asshole. I had to chuckle over that one.