Not really directly from my parents, but definitely generational

[Liketheducks]

My FOO dynamic was rough.  Dad was abusive/alcoholic NPD (diagnosed by my therapist based on my classic symptoms).  Mom was co-dependent and likely BPD (again from my therapist).  One sibling succumbed to suicide.   Another tried, was an alcoholic with rages.
I've been in therapy since college.   And, recently found that plus the right medication, makes all the difference in my life.   I have a CPSTD diagnosis.

But this is about my niece.   She's been told she likely has BPD.   Her family is rigidly strict.  She's just 18 and is the first in her family to attend university.   Both her parents are hamstringing her a bit, in my opinion.   I see a lot of myself in her when I was her age.   No parental support or very conditional parental support for college or really anything.  If she toes the line, including church attendance or even voting in line with her parents, they provide support...if not...forget it.   They are also staunch anti-vax.  And at 18, my niece finally has the power to make some of her own decisions.   Getting her vaccines is something she's wanted for a very long time.   My brother really doesn't talk to her.   And her mom is super controlling here.   Though, I also recognize that her mom is REALLY good for my brother.   How to help without getting thrust into the middle of this generations BS??

[bloomie]

Liketheducks - your just distanced enough view point and personal perspective is of great value to your niece who is navigating a lot!

Offering a listening ear to her and your focused attention can go along way in her life. I am thankful she has you to be a safe harbor for her!

[Rebel13]

Hi LiketheDucks!

If your niece is 18, she's an adult and can make her own decisions. If she wants to get vaccinated, she can, and she doesn't owe anyone that information or any explanation.

I think bloomie's advice is spot-on, as always -- you can listen, and support her in figuring out what SHE wants, and then help her get it, if she needs help. I hope she wouldn't throw your support into an argument with her parents, should one arise -- "But Aunt LiketheDucks SAID I should get my shots!" -- but if she does, and it comes back to you, you can simply say, in whatever tone works best for you, "I supported Niece in making her own decision about this very personal issue, and I'm not going to discuss it with you."

Families, geez.