Issue arose at work and triggered family dynamics

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Something happened at work a couple weeks ago that started to have me trembling in my boots with fear. The feeling was so familiar. It was a spiraling, dizzy feeling of being doomed.
 
A "thing" was released at work that should not have been, but it passed through a few approvals. Someone started looking for who to blame. The momentum gathered and people questioned me. I felt exactly like I used to when my family would have collected around me, hurled an accusation, and left me standing alone against them hopelessly defending myself.

I was able to see what I was feeling. I think it was sort of an auto-response I just could not control.   
I did work my way back off the edge, but it took a few days. I guess there is a sign of growth in there somewhere?   
   
Nobody did actually accuse me though. Nobody has since blamed me. I had a couple meetings with my boss since then about other topics where I thought for sure he was going to pin something on me and it was some sort of trap, but he never even mentioned it. 
 
Maybe it was just made clear how deeply this runs. Even when you are away from the "root cause" the residuals remain to keep working through. It sort of makes me sad.

[Rebel13]

I feel for you, Blueberry Pancakes. I'm going through something sorta similar at work, wherein I'm struggling to manage dynamics that remind me of my FOO. I guess I feel more frustrated than sad, but I also am kind of proud that I am (mostly) coping OK. It takes a lot of effort to manage it, though, for sure.

[Catothecat]

I also feel for you, Blueberry, because I know what you're going through!

I'm hypersensitive to criticism and blame because of my FOO.  It's a hardwired response and I had to accept it as something difficult, and maybe impossible, to change so had to find ways to manage.  Accepting that it's just how I am helped.  I wasn't just irrationally or negatively reacting--there was a real reason for how I felt.

Now, getting those reflexive reactions to simmer down or to diffuse is a skill that has to be learned.  I know that, for me at least, it will never come naturally, and I truly envy those who can shrug such situations off.  It apparently doesn't even occur to them to question themselves.  For example, I have a friend who, if she makes a mistake, seldom even apologizes.  Apparently to her, it's totally natural for her to make a mistake and it's no big deal.  Now I realize that she could probably be placed on the opposite end of the spectrum--the person who believes she does nothing wrong and expects automatic praise for what she does right.  But I can also see how this reaction of hers is also because of her FOO. And I've actually learned a lot from her because my default is to always try to apologize or explain even if I don't have to.  In observing her, I realized I could withhold those automatic responses because she actually wasn't expecting them.  It doesn't often occur to her to explain herself so she certainly doesn't expect it of me.  I put those expectations on myself.

The fact that you were able to pause your response would be, to me, a huge step forward.  Sometimes I try to imagine these processes as learning an extremely difficult subject that I have no natural ability for.  I will never be an expert, but at least I have the basics!