How to control BPD that may have been passed down

[parsley]

Hi, this is only my second post, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on this? My mom has a uPD, and as the oldest daughter and the subject of a lot of her rage, I've been really scared that it may have passed onto me. Every once in a while, I catch myself doing something that she does, and it scares me. I know that, even if it has been passed on, there are things I can do to create healthy habits. My best friend is going through the same thing as well, so it's nice to have someone close to me who understands.

Perhaps I'm being a bit overdramatic about it, but it really would be my worst fear to be anything like her. If anyone has any advice on how to pinpoint a PD that's been passed down and how to control it, that would be much appreciated.

I hope that all of you are having a good holiday, and thank you all so much for already having been so amazing. My therapist recommended this site, and it's already helped me so much.

[Rebel13]

Hi parsley! Look into the concept of "fleas" -- these are habits and traits that we can pick up from PD parents, because we are little and we don't know any better. It doesn't mean we have a PD, necessarily. It just means we need to learn some better ways of relating to people.

Some of the symptoms of CPTSD -- often a factor for people raised by PD parents -- also can look like PD traits.

Check out Pete Walker's work for more on CPTSD from PD parenting. I think The Crappy Childhood Fairy on Youtube also has a video about CPTSD traits that look like narcissism.

In short, though, if you're worried about having a PD, you probably don't have one. People with PDs generally think the way they are in the world is just fine and it's everyone else who ought to change.

[square]

I don't have personal experience with this, but I wanted to reply to suggest looking up Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which was developed for those kind of issues, and to pass along my admiration to you and your friend for being willing to do this kind of work.

[TimetoHeal]

Hi, parsley!

I agree with Rebel completely that the behaviors you are concerned about are most likely "fleas" or even Cptsd symptoms.  I read your first post, and see you are freshly out of a very abusive situation with your FOO.  It will take a while for you to stabilize.  I'm so glad to read you are already in therapy!  That is the best way to sort all this out, along with support here and reading all you can about your situation.