Feeling loved

[treesgrowslowly]

Some of us were born into incredibly traumatized families. I continue to figure out what recovery means for me, I realize how rare it is for a family to have more than 1 person who figures out that this is not working people! Time to get Out of the FOG!! Most families seem to have 1, or none. It's crazy to realize that most people will just stay in their FOG, their entire lives! No wonder it was always hard to feel loved in my FOO. There was just so little of it because of so much dysfunction had taken over.

It can be really really hard to feel loved if you are an emotional orphan. You may have a lot of people in your life who are in the FOG.  Even decades into NC, I am still surrounded by people who don't know how to be very loving, they are caught up in their own fog and dysfunction. I just wanted to post that I love that we keep going here, everyone who posts in this forum, even if it is a long long road towards some sort of relief from the FOG.

Trees

[SonofThunder]

I fully agree Trees.  Raised by a NPDf and overworked caretaker mother just trying to keep her and her two kid's heads above the waterline of workload, assigned by my father without asking permission.  Even today in their 80's it's the exact same dynamic in their home and in my adult interaction with them. Nothing has changed. Then having married into the same dynamic I knew in my FOO, the dysfunction perpetuated. 

Now separated, and out of that fog of both my FOO and my marriage, the further clarity has now cast a spotlight on how much of the same goes on around me in similar irl relationships, all just under a different roof.  It seems to be everywhere. Yes, its a bit discouraging in a way, as I hoped it would be different after the hard work of exiting my own fog, but then maybe I placed my hope on a mirage that in reality is different than it appeared when it was farther off. There's also an encouraging side to the reality going on around me irl, as I don't feel so isolated in my experiences. 

I can be hard on myself, giving myself high expectations of healing and also within my limited relationships, only to find myself still treading in the larger bog of the perpetual dysfunction in my communities.  Imo it's a combination of my own brokenness I drag around, mixed with the others around me who have their own to drag.  Oh well. 

As you stated, there is a wonderful atmosphere of unity here; a forward march of comrades through life's thickets.  Each of us carries our own backpack of troubles, but we all march together.  I personally believe that the anonymity of Out of the FOG assists as we are able to go forward side by side in camaraderie, without our personal mire's dragging the entire army down.  Each of us is like a winch for our other comrades, and when someone in the company gets in deep, we together connect up in conversation to try and keep them and the entire company moving forward. 

As you well stated:

"... we keep going here, everyone who posts in this forum, even if it is a long long road towards some sort of relief from the FOG."

Love that truth! Great post to think about Trees

SoT

[blacksheep7]

Hi Trees,

 I realize how rare it is for a family to have more than 1 person who figures out that this is not working people! Time to get Out of the FOG!! Most families seem to have 1, or none.

 Yes, this has crossed my mind. We are four kids and I'm the only one Out of the FOG. The dysfunction remains with my sibs and their children, for the most part.

SonofThunder,

Raised by a NPDf and overworked caretaker mother just trying to keep her and her two kid's heads above the waterline of workload, assigned by my father without asking permission.

Sounds like my mother with four kids cause NPDF was busy doing his artwork, spending his time and money thinking he would be famous someday. Not often home. He even went to work in the Great White North for two months (I'm still researching from old pictures) leaving M with babies.

Unfortunately, M reinforced her personality disorder,taking his ways when she became a widow. That is when I came Out of the FOG, ptsd kicked in.

I am so grateful for ending up on this site eight years ago. Just reading the posts, I knew I was in the right place.

[Rebel13]

I need the 100% emoji! I learn something new on this forum every time I visit. I love reading everyone's insights and the different strategies we all use to make our lives better. Thank you everyone and a lovely 2025 to you all.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I agree, Trees.  I'm grateful for every person who posts on here. 

I was a mess while I was in denial, but I also spent a fair amount of time anesthetized by it.  That's an aspect I sometimes miss, even though I had to pay, and pay dearly, for those excursions from reality.  I wouldn't go back, though, even if I could, which I can't.

So I'll stay here with you, finding my way out of that foggy wilderness, hoping to bring some love to the world and to myself.  We all deserve it.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi all,

Thanks for posting!

Thanks SoT for sharing your perspective on how this forum helps us.

Thanks Blacksheep7, your screen name alone helps people I think. To know they are not alone in that blacksheep feeling!!

Same with Rebel, and Lookin to be Free. Our screen names say so much. We are a dedicated bunch of travellers!

Lookin, I feel that too sometimes. I do think life is easier in a way, for those who stay in the FOG, in that they are numb to what is going on around them. I guess that is a sign that I'm overwhelmed because obviously, why else would I envy someone who is numb to the depth of life experiences? And like you said, we can't go back into denial.

I didn't know how rare it would be to talk to people who could appreciate some of what we've been through. But here on the boards we get it. 

Trees

[walking on broken glass]

I am grateful to everyone who posts here too. I am the only one in my family who is Out of the FOG and this forum makes me feel less alone. Thank you all ☺️