Hello with a minor trigger warning

[Skyward]

Hi All,

I'm in my early 60's and belong to the unenviable group of people trying to deal with a covert narc elderly mother about to turn 90.

Any contact now involves passive-aggressive attacks and subtle/not so subtle put-downs and general hostility. She uses a vulnerable persona to keep us trying to work out her repeated and never-ending (often self-inflicted) problems. I am trying to remain low contact, despite her suddenly growing needs.

I have two older sisters and their husbands who live nearby (along with some of their family), while I live further away near my own children. I'm feeling now that things are going to start to get much harder (even though I already feel overwhelmed) because she is totally resistant to being in any care. She has even threatened S rather than being put in care.

I won't say any more here, except happy to be part of an empathetic community.
 

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Check out the Toolbox, you will find good strategies there to help you in your interactions with your mother. See you around on the boards.

[bloomie]

Skyward - Welcome to Out of the FOG. You describe being on a steep incline right now as you strive to both support an elderly parent and develop healthy boundaries and coping as her needs increase. I am thankful you have found the community.

We have resources and support for you and many others, including myself, who have had similar challenges in caring for vulnerable, elderly covertly manipulative parents.

To point out a few possible jumping in places, we have a sub forum for those dealing with difficulties in relationships with elderly parents found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=94949197f21bd4237f90183e074c829c&board=37.0

We have a toolbox at the drop down menus above that I highly recommend and return to often myself.

There are book recommendations and other online resources also gathered for you.

Take some time to look around and when you are ready join the conversations taking place on the boards for support, insights, and empowerment from fellow travelers! We are glad you are here!

[TimetoHeal]

Welcome, Skyward!

I am a member of that unenviable group as well, and this support group has been indispensable to me!

I visit the Dealing with Elderly PD family members board frequently. 

I''m so glad you found us here!