DPD spouse resources

[Evening Cricket]

Hi there, I am hoping that someone can point me in the direction of any resources for spouses who are married to someone with Dependent Personaltiy Disorder. I am starting to feel extremely mentally unhealthy and I believe it is at least in part due to this disorder.

I am having a hard time finding anything at all besides basic information.

Resources on coping with emotional neglect could potentially help too, but only if they give practical advice on actionable steps I can take to cope well, instead of just explaining what is happening and why.

Thanks!

[square]

You've come to an excellent resource. Welcome.

I would direct you to the Toolbox on this site. The tools are useful for personality disorders in general to maintain our boundaries and avoid neing sucked in to the madness.

For someone with a DPD spouse, the goals might be to decide what you are and are not willing to help with, how to live those boundaries (hint: it's not about telling the spouse what your boundaries are), how to disengage emotionally from the behaviors of the spouse and the consequences of their (in)actions.

You are invited to share with us about any specific issues (as vaguely or as detailed as you like) and get support and specific feedback for your particular situation.

[bloomie]

Evening Cricket - adding another warm welcome to you!

You may have already read this Out of the FOG article which has a list of traits that often accompany DPD: https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/dependent-personality-disorder-dpd

If you click on each trait you will find a do/don't section that I have found really helpful. I hope you do, too!

A lot of what we do here is focus on difficult behaviors and traits of our loved ones to try and gather tools and insights and ultimately, perspective that assist us in coping day to day.

This community is savvy... like nothing else I have found, and we will support and encourage you as you find your way to a more steady place.

It might be helpful for us to help you if you could be a bit more specific in what it is you are encountering with your spouse.

In terms of emotional neglect within marriage - the very first step for me was to recognize it in all of its forms and to begin to look at the lies I believed about myself as a result of the erosion of self that results from living a long time with someone who is not healthy enough to be present emotionally much of the time.

I find the break down in this article really helpful: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/emotional-neglect-in-marriage/

Take a look around and see if the forum is a place where you can find connection and meaningful input in what you are facing. We are glad you have joined us!