Taking decisions and a job-related question

[mary_poppins]

Hi all. Hope you are all well.

I have a hard time taking big decisions, I wonder if this is a symptom of c-PTSD. Deep down I feel like no matter the decision I'll take it will make me suffer. I took big decisions in the past (eg quitting jobs, starting a business, moving houses, getting into new relationships etc) and some of them led to great things but many led to bad things eg toxic relationships or bad new jobs/housing.

So I got a new job offer and it's a huge one. This is a big company in another country that has good reviews. The interviews went really well so now I am supposed to sign their papers and send them off. The biggest obstacle is accommodation to the new country. I told the company this and they said they can offer some acommodation on a temporary basis. This makes me insecure because I don't know for how long I'll live in the temporary accommodation and if I find something more permanent.

If I turn this down, it will take me a long time to find something similar (if ever), which means I'll need to continue living with my PD family (salaries in my country are so small that you can't afford rent and so you need to live with family). Idk what to do, do you also have this kind of emotional paralysis when having to take on a new job offer?

[Pinkos]

Can you find out more information from them about the temporary accommodations? Will they agree to let you stay in the temp accommodations until you find something permanent? And will they help in finding permanent accommodation? I think it's perfectly reasonable to express your concerns in this regard.

A lot of times I find that I'm just afraid to raise concerns because I feel like why would or should anyone bother to care. Or I feel like I'm annoying people. But then I see others who are much more vocal and get their needs met and I tend to feel resentful.

I don't think expressing these concerns puts your job offer at risk. And if it does then this may not be a good company to work for. It's a big risk/adjustment to go to another country for a job. If they don't understand that and accommodate your valid concerns, then what else will they not accommodate? Better to find out now before you go.

[walking on broken glass]

 
Also, can you perhaps find people who live there to ask such questions? Through social media, friends of friends etc. It might help put your mind at ease.

Congratulations on the job offer!

I too have a hard time making decisions, even small and insignificant ones. I always feel there is a right choice to make and I have to make sure I have done enough research to know it. But sometimes it is impossible to know and there is no 'right' choice. It definitely stems from the way I was raised.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Congratulations! I hope this job offer does turn out to be your path to the independence you've longed for. I agree with Pinkos, you are well within your rights to find out all the information about what benefits are available to you in immigrating to a new country for this job. A big company will have HR who are used to helping with these transitions. And they want you to come and be successful, too, so it's a win-win for everyone involved to make the move work smoothly. Again, congratulations.

[mary_poppins]

Can you find out more information from them about the temporary accommodations? Will they agree to let you stay in the temp accommodations until you find something permanent? And will they help in finding permanent accommodation? I think it's perfectly reasonable to express your concerns in this regard.

A lot of times I find that I'm just afraid to raise concerns because I feel like why would or should anyone bother to care. Or I feel like I'm annoying people. But then I see others who are much more vocal and get their needs met and I tend to feel resentful.

I don't think expressing these concerns puts your job offer at risk. And if it does then this may not be a good company to work for. It's a big risk/adjustment to go to another country for a job. If they don't understand that and accommodate your valid concerns, then what else will they not accommodate? Better to find out now before you go.

Yes, I asked. They let me stay at their temporaryy accommodation only for two weeks and then I'm on my own. It's no problem to ask, they were very open about it.

[mary_poppins]

Congratulations! I hope this job offer does turn out to be your path to the independence you've longed for. I agree with Pinkos, you are well within your rights to find out all the information about what benefits are available to you in immigrating to a new country for this job. A big company will have HR who are used to helping with these transitions. And they want you to come and be successful, too, so it's a win-win for everyone involved to make the move work smoothly. Again, congratulations.

Thank you, I appreciate it. I am quite anxious, though about the move. I have been to that country before but that doesn't really put my mind at ease. Knowing that I need to find accommodation on my own is stressful.

[JustKeepTrying]

Oh my goodness Mary_poppins congratulations and I am in awe of your bravery! You are aspirational! Go you!

If I may share a therapist tip that I found helpful about making decisions - and yes it is a side effect of cPTSD - I found it so hard to make decisions - still do really. So I worked hard at starting small and build up my confidence. Each time I threw myself a little party internally of course - and then pushed myself again. But the big stuff is hard. Don't forget that you applied. Interviewed. Researched. And made it that far. You are far stronger than you know - so like my therapist said keep pushing yourself and each time throw yourself a little party so gain the confidence you need.

Woohoo!!