My youngest just turned 18

[verum71]

I have been posting about my daughter with my BPDx over the last year, mainly about how I have been alienated and estranged over the last year from her.  This has not changed at all since August and I have made no progress.  She just turned 18 last week and I had been hoping to make some inroads with her now that she is an adult.   A couple of days ago, I found out that my daughter has switched therapists and has been seeing my BPDx's therapist at least 3 times over the last 6-7 months.  My wheels are spinning and I can't help but worry that this is a horrible idea. 

[Penny Lane]

Verum, I'm so sorry! The transition from "kid" to  "adult" is hard at the best of times. And this is not the best of times. I hope you can make inroads where possible and peace with yourself where not. Big hugs.

[bloomie]

verum71 - I am another who is so sorry things are still so hard between you and your daughter. I am really glad you shared!

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Hi Venum.  A lot of things change when our kids become legal adults.  It can be hair raising sometimes, and a relief at others.  It brings to mind the Serenity Prayer.  "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  Good luck connecting with your now-adult daughter!

[blunk]

Would it be possible that this could be a positive?

Your x's therapist knows about his issues. Is it possible that they are seeing her in that context? To help her deal with the effects of his PD. Also, 3 times in 6-7 months is not that frequent. Perhaps she has been asked into his sessions to deal with specific issues that have arisen, rather than having regular sessions of her own.

[verum71]

Lookin 2 B free _ I use that prayer a lot - have for the last 32 years  .  Blunk - I had considered that my daughter meeting with my ex-wife's therapist could be something different entirely.  My main concern is that I have had run-ins with my ex's therapist in court proceedings.  On 2 different occasions - my BPDx was hospitalized in 2004 and got the initial borderline diagnosis - and again in 2012 when she was diagnosed with BPD during a court mandated psych evaluation.  My ex has been either mandated or recommended for DBT 3 times over the last 20 years by someone other than her therapist.  One of the last times that I was in court, her therapist was there on My BPDx's behalf saying she didn't need DBT and doesn't think she has a personality disorder.  That is what I am stuck on - a Parenting Consultant that was involved in our parenting plan made it clear to her therapist that she (the therapist) is missing the larger picture - either in denial -or- has only been able to fill in the blanks that my borderline ex-wife has given her therapist.  It's yucky.  I did file a complaint with the board of  psychology in my state.  These earlier sessions took place when she was a minor - the last two sessions have been since she turned 18 in May.  I'm just scared and frustrated that there could be the possibility that a mental health professional could load my daughter's brain with a a bunch of crap that will make more harder than it already is to reconnect with her.  My kids were little when we split (my daughter was 2 1/2).  The alienation has been going on for a long time.