When the siblings brush it all aside

[Maree Rose]

My mother is a narcisstic.  She feels entited, she gaslights, she lies and has to have the power. She is 89 and in a nursing home.  As the only daughter, I have been the scapegoat.  She treats me so differently than my brothers. I am so sick of trying to talk to my brothers.  Mother deliberately does things. She is known as a difficult resident at the NH, demanding her medications, loudly criticizing nurses etc.  I have had it, yet when I voice these things to my brothers they ignore. One brother tells me " just go drink a beer" rude and totally ignoring it all. Do any of you have such siblings?

[Breadroll]

Absolutely yes. Now deceased - but difficult older female relative would be demanding, unkind and even tried to move in with me. My male siblings passed off my complaints as " over reacting  " and " you just need to be direct". Of course, she had zero expectations of them....

[Maree Rose]

Thank you Breadroll.  Sounds so much like my brothers!! You are so right..no expectations of them 

[Rebel13]

Many years ago, when I was in my 20s and my mother was making me nuts, my brother said to me, "Why do you care what she thinks?"

Now, I live thousands of miles away and am NC with my mother. He's the one she calls when she has a crisis or a "crisis."

He's welcome to it.

[JR]

everyone of these posts is exactly the kind of treatment(abuse) I've been experiencing also, there is truly a need for more Narcissist support groups which have in person meetings to actually really help victims of these horrible people, In my opinion the only way victims can survive and heal is through contact with others who've experienced the same thing, I've never seen a therapist it may help a bit but only if you've experienced firsthand this abuse you really wont get the gravity of its damage it can/has done to individuals' if anyone has a minute check out this video, this guy has himself been thru the Narc ringer and has a very good perspective about it.

[mary_poppins]

Hi Maree Rose.

Yes, I have a brother like that. I just made a post about it.
It is rude for this brother to dimiss your concerns like that and tell u to have a beer. Mine dismisses my concerns all the time, yet i still feel attached to him. He is the only person i could talk to about our family issues and stuff, and I feel like he gets me..to a point. Until he doesn't.

I'm not sure what to advise but just stopped by to let u know I get it. And it's painful. I wish our siblings were kind and understanding to us. But that's not the reality. We grew up in such difficult, threatening family environment. Dismissing one's feelings was one way to adapt to this environment.

Hugs

[sandpiper]

Yes. Congratulating myself on 20 years of NC with my siblings and the only regret there is that I persisted for so long (with support of T/group) to try to make it work. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was in my early 20s. My T thought that from my description, my sisters both had it to & suggested I try opening that conversation by explaining my diagnosis & that my T thought that as they had been exposed to all the DV and dysfunction & trauma, they might need support too. My eldest sister responded by raging at me because she'd had it worse than any of us (no argument from me with that one) and 'there is nothing wrong with me'. Aside from the drug use, failed relationships, threats of suicide, the eating disorder. Yeah right. My other sister, the saner of the two, responded by doing what they learned from my mother and grandmother when they were displeased with certain news. She stuck her nose in the air, walked out of the room and refused to speak to me for hours later. Awkward as I was staying with her in the country & I just had to follow her lead by pretending I'd never opened that can of worms.
Nearly forty years later I regret trying to hold onto those relationships, and I regret staying silent and pretending I was OK, while I quietly got on with my life and worked through stuff with a counselor and group T.
I have learned to accept that recovery isn't for everyone and a lot of people will just choose the path of ignoring their damage and blundering their way through life while trying to ignore their trauma.
It hurts when you lose your siblings to denial.

[Marissa]

Hi Maree Rose,

Yes, I have 3 brothers who would respond in a similar way as your brother. It is an awful feeling when you bring things up that bother you, only to be told to go drink a beer. Just like you, I was treated very differently than my brothers by my covert NPD mom.

Minimizing and denial of issues. It makes you feel invalidated, unheard and unseen.