I don't feel guilty any more

[Therivercontinueson]

(TW pet death)
I went no contact with my entire FOO two years ago this month, and while I felt it saved me, I sometimes wavered a bit on it, feeling guilty that my parents were sick and old, etc... Today my mother sent me photos of my dear childhood cat at the time when she was dying, no context whatsoever. I cannot believe it - she knows this cat meant everything to me as a child, and while she passed away from old age a few years ago (luckily while under my care and not my parents'), to send me photos like that out of the blue just to seemingly try and hurt me when she has nothing else left in her arsenal to get to me is just so disgusting. I have never in the past two years felt more vindicated that I was a victim of psychological abuse my whole life, and that she won't change (but is only getting worse with dementia and as I set my boundaries).

(I had her email blocked but it seems it got through somehow - have been wavering in making a whole new account and it seems like this is the time.)

I'm just sharing this here as I think you all will understand how absolutely out of their minds N parents can be... I think unfortunately my friends and inlaws can't really believe it when I tell them some of the things my family has done to me, so I don't talk about it much with them which is why I appreciate this community so much. Any virtual hugs would be welcomed and stay strong everyone <3

[TimetoHeal]

Big virtual hugs to you, therivercontinueson!!    First of all, I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved cat.  I am a cat person myself, and lost a precious fur baby about 3 years ago, and it just about did me in.  The thought of someone using that pain against you is just downright maddening.  Dare I say, evil?  Yes, I do dare say it.  I am so sorry for the pain that caused you.

Also, good for you in going and staying no contact.  I am thankful for you, although extremely painful, that you got validation which kept you from wavering, kept you from having any doubt.  Absolutely, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself.  Change that email.  (It's ironic, I just blocked my mother on email for the first time yesterday, and while it is so liberating, I am so terrified.  I think this is the beginning of the end for us.)

Hang in there.      

[footprint33]

That's wonderful that you're staying NC, Therivercontinueson. That was a very mean move to send pics to you of your dear cat out of the blue and especially as an emphasis on the time in the cat's life when it was dying. I'm so glad that you're sticking to NC, and sometimes we do have to change emails, phone numbers, etc. I haven't seen my NPD mother in years and am full NC with her, which includes full blocks on email and the phone. However, she sent me a package about a year ago and I opened it. It was a stack of photos and on the top, she put a photo of me with an ex boyfriend who not only abused me but who almost killed me in a car accident (car was t-boned directly into my door and 3 witnesses said he ran a red light, I was left with 3 skull fractures and multiple wounds to my body and never knew what happened because I don't remember the accident). He then cheated on me and told me I was old (I'd just turned 30). After that break up, which was many years ago, my parents both maintained contact with him and said he was a "good guy" even after he and I were no longer in communication and the relationship had clearly been a bad chapter in my life.

But the point is, after not having seen me for years, my NPD mother decided to send me pics of a person from my past who did so much damage to me. They will use photos as another way to hurt us from afar.

These PD parents, especially if they're of the malignant sort, are hurtful and will perpetuate cruelty and harm on us any way that they can. It's hard for us to imagine because we'd never do this to our own children or to other people. We are not made like them, fortunately, though coming to terms with the kinds of "humans" they are can be difficult because it's hard to imagine why a parent would be so cruel.

Hugs to you,
footprint

[mary_poppins]

Therivercontinues on:
Good on you for staying no contact. It is horrific what these people are capable on. Your mom was probably trying to incite an emotional reaction from you using that photo. This is manipulation and lack of empathy in one package. Sending you good, loving thoughts.

[mary_poppins]

That's wonderful that you're staying NC, Therivercontinueson. That was a very mean move to send pics to you of your dear cat out of the blue and especially as an emphasis on the time in the cat's life when it was dying. I'm so glad that you're sticking to NC, and sometimes we do have to change emails, phone numbers, etc. I haven't seen my NPD mother in years and am full NC with her, which includes full blocks on email and the phone. However, she sent me a package about a year ago and I opened it. It was a stack of photos and on the top, she put a photo of me with an ex boyfriend who not only abused me but who almost killed me in a car accident (car was t-boned directly into my door and 3 witnesses said he ran a red light, I was left with 3 skull fractures and multiple wounds to my body and never knew what happened because I don't remember the accident). He then cheated on me and told me I was old (I'd just turned 30). After that break up, which was many years ago, my parents both maintained contact with him and said he was a "good guy" even after he and I were no longer in communication and the relationship had clearly been a bad chapter in my life.

But the point is, after not having seen me for years, my NPD mother decided to send me pics of a person from my past who did so much damage to me. They will use photos as another way to hurt us from afar.

These PD parents, especially if they're of the malignant sort, are hurtful and will perpetuate cruelty and harm on us any way that they can. It's hard for us to imagine because we'd never do this to our own children or to other people. We are not made like them, fortunately, though coming to terms with the kinds of "humans" they are can be difficult because it's hard to imagine why a parent would be so cruel.

Hugs to you,
footprint

Wow, unbelievable what your parents have done. To send that photo to you! and them staying contact with your abuser. I just have no words for such vile behavior...

[walking on broken glass]

Virtual hugs from me too. The lack of empathy borders on sociopathy...

[footprint33]

a
Wow, unbelievable what your parents have done. To send that photo to you! and them staying contact with your abuser. I just have no words for such vile behavior...

Thank you, Marypoppins, that's very validating. I was triggered for a while after seeing that photo. The photo was nothing compared to everything they'd ever done to me, however, though it brought back memories of those things. Fortunately, I'm in a much safer place now. I do have kids of my own and will forever wonder: how could you do these things to anyone, let alone to your own children?

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