I got photos from my abusive parents-BUT I didn't expect THIS to happen...

[BrightMoon]

Nobody else could get to do it for me, though some people suggested it, as I had nobody who could do it. So I went alone and - ironically - due to the dementia, it went as okay as it could go.

BUT the dementia level has shocked and thrown me and I'm struggling with the conflicting feelings of it and the implications of it now.

Cos I intended to confront the main abuser with things I'd been too scared to say all my life. And to do it in a few months.

But I discovered their short term memory, that lasted about 5 minutes some months back, now only lasts a mere 30 seconds to one minute. And I don't know if their long term memory is really there much either.

And so now it seems pointless, and though I've been working on that speech, and that moment for literally years, I feel huge loss and confusion.

There's so much more to write regarding things I uncovered among the photos, unexpected documents, proof of lies, gaslighting, etc-but I'm not ready to begin even considering those things yet.

And I also lost the last bit of support I had in the last week or so unexpectedly too. I'm on the floor basically.

[Aingeal]

I'm so sorry but glad it went better than expected. sending you a big hug -
I've wanted to confront my abuser/Nmom so many times but she rewrites history and flips the script over the smallest things that it's really not worth it.  They are master manipulators and deceivers, we're not in the same league as they are - thank God!  Narcissists refuse to be held accountable for anything. I know it's frustrating but they'll never admit to the abuse or apologize - ever.

I know it hurts but I've been down this road before    Narcm would say:
"I don't remember that"
"That didn't happen"
When my narc sister gave me the silent treatment from when she was 13 years old through the next 30+ years Narcmom said that I stopped talking to narc sister first (I was 7 years old).  Narcm twists stories to suit her narrative (I'm the scapegoat/black sheep so she did one h*%@ of a smear campaign on me). She pits siblings against each other for her own entertainment.

Confronting the narcissist is futile because there's no "There" there. They are empty twisted beings.  YouTube has therapists like Dr. Les Carter and Kris Godinez who advise writing and burning letters but never sending them to the pd person..... you will get the narc out of your head (and the confrontation wouldn't have worked anyway) ....

Please be gentle with yourself.  Take long walks, journal, do self care and put yourself first.  I know this is hard but we've been trained to put everyone else first our whole lives. Time to get in the drivers seat and see where this journey goes - see what wonderful things are out there waiting for you.  You count - you are important!! Your life your choices your journey. Take a trip or stay home and binge watch a show with a nice cup of tea.... And cookies  Whatever comforts you.

[GoodPesto]

Hi BrightMoon,

I am sorry you are basically on the floor and it is understandable. I wanted to add a few ideas to the suggestions to write a letter and not sent it to help yourself out of the situation.
I know it is not the same, but since you practiced your confrontation for so long, and if you feel like getting it off your chest, maybe someone you trust would be available to hold that space for you? If you do not know anyone who you would like to share that with, then maybe someone professional would be ready to witness that and support you through it. There is a special sort of therapy (gestalt) that puts an emphasis on having conversations with representitives. Also, if you feel like it, you could take it to the woods, ask a tree if it would be a representative and leave it there.
Like Aingeal said confronting PD in real life is - from what I heard, read and experienced - often hurtful and rarely serves the imagined purpose. They "forget", even if they do not suffer from dementia yet, screw with your memory and use the info how they have hurt you for further ammonition. You give them details so they can tell the wrong story even better. Especially when connected to some sort of hope (I will feel better afterwards, maybe s/he will apologze, s/he MUST remember, I so wanna see her face when I tell her that fact), I found this endevour to be a broadening of horizons that left me having even more to cope with.
Take good care, I am sure you'll find your way.