New and unsure

[confusedclone]

hi!! i'm 18, moving away for college in a few months. my relationship with my mom was tumultuous as a kid to say the least, but she is trying to be better and her raging is becoming less and less frequent. I FEEL like she abused me, but compared to others' stories, it seems light. she wasn't cruel so much as angry and sensitive. I don't remember her yelling insults, but God, when she yelled. it was the worst when it wasnt words or a command, just "agh!!" after she snapped, she'd storm off and we wouldn't talk. this was when I was younger... I think our relationship was at its worst when I was 13. I was finally starting to realize I could fight back and that pissed her off. she once left me on the side of the road... she came back, but I didn't know she was going to. but when she isn't angry at me for being disobedient, she's so kind and loving. overbearingly sometimes. I wish I could appreciate her affection, but she treats me how she treats my 9 year old brother. except i'm also the catalyst for her vents about my brother's dad, or her sister, or her sister's husband, or any of her friend's boyfriends, or her dad... I get a little sick of it. but she doesn't blame me or shame me and her apologies always sound sincere. I dont know if it was abuse. I dont even know if it matters. erm that got vent-y for an introduction post but I guess that is why we're here! right now i'm just taking the calm and dreading the next outburst.

[Rebel13]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find as much help and support here, and through the strategies in the Toolbox section of the site, as I have.

Your story is so familiar to me as a daughter of a self-absorbed/emotionally immature/narcissistic mom.

she's so kind and loving. overbearingly sometimes. I wish I could appreciate her affection,

Another name for this "overbearing" kindness and lovingness might be "love bombing." It's a technique some people use to keep other people hooked, always hoping that if we can just figure out the code and do the right thing, that kindness and lovingness will be there to stay. Another potential term is "intermittent reinforcement." If that's what's happening, it's no wonder you don't "appreciate" the affection -- some part of you knows it's a ploy and not to be trusted.

Best of luck to you as you begin your more independent life! Hope to see you in the forums.