HG Tudor and the aging narcissist

[feenix]

I recently listened to Kris from we have to talk YouTube channel interview HG Tudor for a second time. They briefly touch on remaining in contact with aging narcissistic family members and HG's first reaction was to question why anyone would want to do that, and Kris continued, trying to explain some potential reasons to him. It became apparent that he honestly couldn't relate to any of the reasons, seemed devoid of deep, nuanced human emotion and had no experience of being emotionally bonded to other people.  It was chilling but also fascinating and I tried to find more of his stuff about this in his knowledge vault, but couldn't.
Does anyone know if he talks about this more anywhere? I would love to get some tips from him, from the other side so to speak, about how to deal with his kind when being cast in the role of carer for them, not wanting to be there, but doing it anyway for reasons he isn't able to relate to.
Maybe it wouldn't be helpful because of his lack of experience with 'normal' human emotion and choices based impulses and emotions that he doesn't experience, but still, I'm curious.
My father doesn't do anything for anyone else unless there's some kind of benefit for him, he never has, not for his children, his wife or anyone else. He would often do things that appeared to be charitable, but when it came down to it, the benefit to him was power, control and getting attention and admiration. If he didn't get these rewards or they stopped coming, he would be gone, back out there looking for another source of supply.
The end result of his endeavours through his life is that while he was engaged in serving his own agenda, some people were helped occasionally by accident, and I was one of those people, I had a roof over my head as a child, until I didn't because I got kicked out at 16 for being too much of an inconvenience, but that's another story. I had clothes to wear, and sometimes even nice clothes, because it reflected well on his image of being a responsible parent and provider for his family.
I was abandoned emotionally by him from birth, and physically, when I was still vulnerable and incapable of taking care of myself properly, it didn't turn out well for me, but I survived.
I don't want to do that to him, now that the tables have turned and I have all the power. It was wrong for him to do that to me, but it's also wrong for me to do the same. I know there are differences, he is the parent, he chose to have a child, he chose to create me and should have accepted the consequences of his actions and done a better job of protecting me and raising me. But he made a mistake, he took on something that for no fault of his own, he wasn't emotionally equipped to handle, and he didn't even realise it, and still doesn't.
That doesn't mean he deserves to suffer, I believe he did the best he could, given his own trauma and early abuse.
I guess I'm trying to find a balance between helping my parents in their declining years while protecting myself from further harm.
Can HG Tudor help me to find the right balance....probably not

[TimetoHeal]

I'm not familiar with HG Tudor at all.  I can't comment about that.  Is he some kind of a Psychopath or something?  I don't think I'd want to model myself after someone like that. 

But after reading your other post about dementia and PD, I think you are confusing being cruel and intentionally making your parents suffer with not meeting their every want and need.  Many people would say children have no responsibility to take care of their aging parents at all.  Parents choose to have us, and feeding, clothing, and housing us is the bare minimum they have to do under the law to not get their kids taken away.  The laws and even norms are a bit trickier regarding parents and adult children. 

For me personally, I am at the point where I will make sure my mom is taken care of in some way, i.e. overseeing her care, if necessary, from a distance.  But I will never take her into my home and become her caregiver.  And she has way more money than me, so it will never be a matter or me giving her financial resources.  If she blows through everything my dad left her, that's on her.  If you read my response to your other post, you will see I have also stopped trying to help her or make her life "better".  She does not want help and does not want to get better.  She wants to wallow in her misery, and wants me to wallow with her.  No thanks. 

You can learn to set boundaries while still being a compassionate, empathetic person.  Direct that love, care, and empathy toward yourself first.  And don't "throw your pearls before swine", so to speak.  If you like helping other people, there are plenty of people out there with plenty of needs who will welcome and appreciate your efforts, not spit on them.