After week from hell, on top of usual pain, am struggling with increasing grief

[BrightMoon]

after contact with narc pd parents a couple of weeks back, and being confronted by an unexpected big decline in the health of the worst abuser of the two, due to dementia, I am really struggling these past days with increasing feelings of grief, of loss, of consufion, and more.

and on top of it all, in the past week alone I've had to deal with serious threat of my state benefits being stopped with just 24 hours notice, with nearly being violently attacked by someone randomly for no reason, of the police wasting my time and refusing to act claiming "we cant find out the attackers name" even though they have his car license plate number(!!) and more details..

There is just no support anywhere. at any level. financial, emotional, or physical. none. things are just in freefall due to economic shortages everywhere in Britain currently. all the phone support lines are closing, or so busy due to lack of funds its impossible to get through. all the support groups have closed for the same reason. all therapy rates have shot up to levels where it isnt possible. the police are useless and dont care or do anything so all crime and craziness is getting worse daily. its impossible to get a doctor appointment or any sort of free help. all other standards are plummeting. even 'support' forums seem to be emptier more and more often (no idea why that is?)

I am just in pieces. I was broken way before this week. I was broken way before I realised the huge decline in my abusers cognitive state, back when I thought I could achieve my aim of reading to them a letter of things I always wanted to say but was too confused, too gaslit, too scared to say, now that I finally see the truth of what they did to me.

Now I cant. And I am unexpectedly hit with anxiety, grief, sadness, loss, and even yearnings for healthy interactions with them (though that was never possible I guess).

[feenix]

Hi BrightMoon,
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I relate to the loss of support services compared with how it used to be. I'm in Australia and things have changed here too. It adds to the fear and feelings of isolation.
I don't have any advice, but I'm here with you, dealing with very similar issues.
We will get through this, one step at a time.

[Rebel13]

Hi BrightMoon,

I'm so sorry for what you are struggling with. It does seem to me that your painful emotions in response to your contact with your family make perfect sense. Some old things are rearing their ugly heads and you get to cope. It sucks, I know, but maybe it's also a chance to feel the things and grieve and do some healing. I really hope so!

Wishing you peace and comfort.

[TimetoHeal]

BrightMoon,

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  Let me offer a big cyber hug, if you want it.    I think what you are feeling is completely legitimate, and I am noticing the lack of support in society in general seems to be growing.  I am in the U.S., and our support systems are terrible to begin with, but getting cut and slashed even from where they were.

I am feeling more and more that we are going to have to create community for ourselves in order to make it through these times.  That may be online or in person or a combination of the two. It's hard for those of us with trauma because of our difficulty with trust.  But I feel it is so necessary and worth the risk right now.  We are part of your community, BrightMoon, so please keep checking in here. 

[JR]

BrightMoon with all those difficulties you've listed NONE on them have finished you off! your still here and are getting help(wisdom) here on this forum and therefore there is hope to over come these seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and remember these people and situations took their best shot at you, and you took it, and they FAILED and failed miserably, also you are at this moment dusting yourself off and pulling yourself up by the boots straps and on the road to success and healing.

[Adria]

Brightmoon,

I have been where you are. I am so sorry.  We are here for you on this forum. You can type and visit as often as you need to. I know it seems so hard and senseless right now. But, you are so strong for living through everything you've had to deal with.  Sometimes, when things trigger us, it can make us feel like we are backsliding and weak with an avalanche coming down on us.

I've found that when I've felt that way, it is best to walk yourself through the feelings, the pain and the loss. Face it head on, cry it out and cry some more. And then find something to celebrate regarding you. Even if it is something very small. Look for little blessings and things that bring joy, a butterfly, a beautiful sunset.

It sounds like you are in a very hard spot right now, so be very patient with yourself during this time.  Treat yourself ever so kindly.  Since we can't get it, sometimes, from family and this world, we have to be there for ourselves. Jerry Wise has some wonderful YouTube videos you might want to check out.  He makes so much sense out of this kind of stuff and tells you what to do to make yourself better.

I wish you all the best. Hugs, Adria

[NarcKiddo]

I am very sorry. I'm also in Britain and know first hand of some of the problems - most notably getting any kind of health care.

In terms of your final paragraph, particularly the yearnings, I would suggest you check out Jerry Wise on YouTube if you have not come across him before. He is very good on the need to disengage, and how you might go about it. You might find something helpful from him. Also Patrick Teahan.