Just stepping Out of the FOG

[FoggySister]

I am an adult non-PD of a sibling that I suspect has PD. I found I had a hard time explaining to people why my sister is so hard to be in relationship with, but it was hard to articulate. Her "outbursts" aren't explosive, rather they are confrontational, accusatory, and guilting me. She observes my positive interactions with others and then later asks why I don't interact with her that way. If I don't have the response she expects to some news she gives me, she says, "why do you hate me so much?" If I tell her about something I'm doing, it's always "well I didn't know that." I feel manipulated and held responsible for consequences of her choices. If I set any kind of boundary whatsoever, she acts as if I have assaulted her. Even with very simple requests. I've only recently been able to see it clearly bc we have been in close proximity for the last several months, against my wishes. I was telling a friend about her and the friend said it sounds like BPD. So I read up on it. That's when the lightbulb went on. My experience aligns with that of the non-PD. And the description of behaviors and motivations matches hers. Though less and less, I would still doubt myself because I am the one that finally explodes with anger after I've been manipulated, guilted, and taken advantage of. I avoid saying anything because when I do there's hell to pay. I'm in constant fear of a confrontation over something I don't even know I've done, just by existing in my own home with my family. She says I'm just overly sensitive, etc. I could go on, but bottom line is I feel the effects of being in close proximity for the last several months in my body, constant state of fight or flight, verging on panic, depression, etc. and I am interested in exploring somatic work. I started counseling a few months in, started an anti-depressant, and those things have helped me to see clearly what's happening and my role as a situational codependent and enabler. I recently wrote her a letter in which I said I would be going no contact for a period of time (in different words of course), and I'm feeling both liberated and extremely anxious.

I also realize I need a community of people who have experienced this because I'm probably driving my friends crazy!

[notrightinthehead]

Well you have found the right place. Welcome! Please study the toolbox, you will find helpful strategies there in your further dealings with your sister.

See you around on the boards!

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Ignore the following if not helpful, but I would like to suggest that at some point you might want to think about the wider family dynamics as you process this, just in case they have played into it, especially if the history of guilting and manipulation stretches back into childhood.