Financial entanglements

[walking on broken glass]

I have been thinking about separating my finances from the rest of the family's, i.e. from my mum and my sister. My dad was in charge of all bank accounts and he had set up two joint accounts between me and my sister. My mum's bank account also includes both me and my sister. I would like to remove myself from any joint accounts and also remove my sister from my accounts. I would just like to keep the money that was bequeathed to me from my dad and have it in one bank account as the sole holder. The problem is that this will involve contact with the rest of the family and I just can't bear it. But these financial entanglements are a great source of stress for me. Plus, I don't trust my sister at all. If she is accusing me of wanting to steal money, she's probably projecting her own desires and plans. Being away from the country makes it even trickier. And the people in the local bank know our family, as my dad used to work there. It will create quite a sensation if I make these demands. Is there any way I could separate my finances without having to engage with the family?

ETA: From what I could see, to remove myself from other bank accounts and others from mine, I need to book an appointment with the bank, and go there in person along with everyone else involved (yes bureaucracy is awful in my country). Alternatively, someone else can be present with POA for the people that could not be there. I feel that this is impossible. No one in my family would ever agree to that.

[NarcKiddo]

This all sounds very grim and stressful.

How much, if at all, you have to engage with the family would, I suppose, depend on the requirements of the banks.

That said, is it legally possible for you simply to withdraw the amount of money you are entitled to and then use the money to set up an account in your sole name somewhere else? In this country joint account holders can unilaterally withdraw money unless the account requires two signatures but that may not be the same for you.

If you can withdraw the money my thinking is that although you will be left as a name on the accounts, there may then be incentive for the other family members to remove your name because you have had all your money and they won't want you having access to theirs, I guess. If you need an excuse for taking all of your money, could you maybe invent some large renovation project?

Good luck.

[walking on broken glass]

I like the idea of the new account. I am sure it will be used against me but then what else is new?

[TimetoHeal]

Hey, WOBG.

I don't have any advice about the particulars in your country and what you'd need to do, but just wanted to give solidarity.  I have had multiple financial entanglements with my family since my father's passing, and it has been a huge source of stress to me as well.  I am just this year finally getting myself unentangled, and it feels amazing.  I still have one bank account to either close or take my name off of.

Is there a way to transfer what is yours into another account that your FOO doesn't have access to and then just not use the account with them?  That way you could avoid having to ask them for anything?  I am thinking about doing this with my last account.  Anyway, I hope you find a solution to this.

ETA:  I didn't read the other replies before posting and I see a new account was already suggested. 

[walking on broken glass]

Thank you, Time to Heal! I am so happy for you that you managed to untangle this knotty mess! It must be so liberating. I think I will do what you guys suggested. It will probably be used as a sign of confirmation of their narrative, that I am moving the money because my husband is making me to. Oh well. I REALLY don't want to be in any account my sister is in, and I don't trust her that she won't take the money from my account and simultaneously accuse me of stealing it