Advice needed

[JR]

Im dealing with a highly narcissistic(un diagnosed) mother whom I've been care giving for since 2015 because of a stroke and cannot handle doing things for herself and becomes easily enraged at the slightest incidents. So today I was preparing her something to eat and accidentally dropped and broke one of her highly prized plates, she wasn't here at the time so i cleaned up the broken pieces and hid them in the outside garbage. I was pondering to just come clean and tell her and get it out of my conscience and accept the horrible punishment which will never end(ever) or just hopefully forget it and not tell her. so I did an AI generated GOOGLE search question about it and it said not to tell or she the NARC will weaponize it against me  and cause extreme emotional punishment to me and harm over an accidental event, but do not omit the crime. And also the plate isn't something that i could get another one and replace it unbeknownst to her, does the consensus here think i should let it ride and hopefully she doesnt find out or just come clean, personally im thinking not to tell regardless because of the extreme emotional/psychological torment these people would unleash on me, because of the complete lack of human empathy NARC's exhibit towards others. 

[Stayingstrong]

Hi JR,

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Caring for her must be very difficult and doing so speaks to the kind of person you must be. 

The problem is you are likely damned if you tell her and damned if you don't and she notices later. My option is let it ride and not to invite in chaos that doesn't need to be there, as long as you are able to do so without rumination about if she were to find out.

Remind yourself, it's a plate, it was an accident. A healthy person might be upset, but wouldn't rage at you. Remind yourself that when you are dealing with PD playing by the typical rules don't work so not discussing it doesn't mean that you are bad, or a liar, it means you are smart enough to know what is safe for you. The fact that you are asking about this shows how damaging she must be, because it certainly sounds like if this was another person you would just tell them.

Another consideration is that you are her caregiver right now, and the healthiest thing for everyone is for her to stay regulated.

[JR]

thank you for the much needed human empathy, i didnt tell her and i am not going to subjugate myself to endless torment by telling her i broke a plate, so far so good, i think im doing the right thing, if the person was a normal emotionally stable person i would tell the person.